I'm the Reverend Lionel Troy, and folks, I have a question for YOU. Not just ANY old question. The most important question you've EVER been asked. So... Have you heard the Good News? Arcadia’s days are numbered. But Zion doesn’t want you to END with it. Zion wants to SAVE you from your mortal passing. But how CAN He? How WILL He? And what do you need to do to save YOURSELF? For only 7 Credits A Month, you TOO can learn the secrets of Zion. The gateway to TRUTH and eternal salvation. So what are you waiting for? Join Zion today, and help Zion… HELP YOU.


The Lion of Zion

“Have you heard the Good News?”


About Lionel Troy







The Church



In The Ring

"Awesome God" by The Children of Zion

Our God.

Is an awesome God.

He reigns.

From heaven above.

With wiiiiiiiiisdom, power, and love.

Our God, is an awesome God... T

oms. Snares. Cymbals. Cue the Reverend Lionel Troy, The Lion of Zion, who enters Olympus as if he is overcome by the spirit of Zion; eyes closed, hands in the air, speaking tongues no one has heard. He turns to the audience, flashing that 100 dollar smile and laying hands on a baby being held by its parents at ringside: “LORD ZION, BLESS THIS BABY! AMEN, AMEN, AND AMEN!’ He descends upon the ring holding the Zionic Text in the air: "FOR SEVEN CREDITS A MONTH, YOU TOO CAN HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE!” Smiling and placing the text down carefully on the apron, Troy slides into the ring under the bottom rope and kneels in the corner, head rested on the middle turnbuckle, reciting a short prayer as he awaits the bell.

Divine Intervention

Troy distracts the referee by pointing to the heavens, as if he is receiving a divine message of sorts, before swiftly delivering a low blow kick followed by a devastating DDT to his opponent.

Zionic Elbow

Troy lays his hands on his opponent’s head, shouting something sacerdotal, before connecting with a big elbow between the eyes.

Rings of Zion

Troy recites a litany for his opponent, as if to free them of a malignant spirit, before locking in the rings.

Clotheslionel From Hell

Troy leans back on the ropes and breathes in an invisible force from above, before springing forward and turning his opponent inside out.

It's A Miracle!

Troy feigns injury, convincing both the referee and opponent he’s genuinely hurt, only to then deliver a sudden low blow uppercut at the opportune moment.