Yoga Pants

Mr. SunshineMr. Sunshine, Promo

Everybody seeks a personal transformation.

We all crave the opportunity to evolve into the best version of yourself. People strive for self-improvement, tossing away hard earned credits at the latest diet fad or fitness bandwagon. Why Sunbeams, what else is the new year for in Arcadia if not for resolutions?

We all want to have our butterfly moment.

So what do we need to achieve the greatness in our own minds? Copious amounts of spandex.

Activewear, Sunbeams!

Because, there are few items of clothing around Arcadia more versatile than yoga pants.

All over Arcadia, women slap on a pair of yoga pants and instantly become the picture of health and fitness, whether heading to the gym or the fridge, sitting at the cafe or the couch, these superhero pants have more stretch than one’s patience on a Monday morning.

Everything somebody needs to feel totally transformed, wedged into one tightly contained package.

But not every caterpillar becomes a butterfly, my friends… and one doesn’t get fit by simply wearing yoga pants.

Yoga pants merely hide the truth, that under all the spandex, you’re still the same miserable fatty you always were. True transformation comes through toil and careful dedication to a goal, not some fly-by-night honeymoon fantasy.

You’ve always been one to seek your thrills, Eclipse, endlessly thirsting for that adrenaline high. You were happy, but were always one who wanted to spread her wings and fly, and at Red Snow… you found your fix.

Naww. You think you reached your little butterfly moment, don’t you? That you’ve thrown off the chrysalis that was Aurora and evolved into a better version of yourself.

All it took was a little wooing and dirty talk from our newest shovel-wielding Valkyrie, and you were happy to slap on that wedding dress for him. The thrill of the chase was too enticing.

But when the curtains are drawn, Eclipse, you’re just like the endless lines of activewear wearing pretenders that have never stepped foot inside a gym. Deep down, you’re still that adrenaline junkie seeking something new and shiny.

And with Gravedigger as your prize, it’s only a matter of time until the honeymoon is over and you realise that your yoga pants aren’t cutting it any more. That your transformation wasn’t what you expected.

You see, friend, you’re no butterfly at all. Your caterpillar was always destined to be a moth.

Because a moth goes through the same process as a butterfly, yet nobody ever dreams of becoming one. Because as much as they try to be like a butterfly, a moth will always be ugly.

And you’re ugly from the inside out.

How many souls do you have to help him ferry before Gravedigger too becomes just another pair of yoga pants you put on in your quest for the next fix?

If you want real change, to really see the sunshine, then you’ve got to work for it. Be the best you, not the ugliest moth of a yoga pants wearing trophy wife.

Some people never change, no matter how impressive their spandex may seem.