Have you ever been to a wedding, Narcissa?
Oh that’s a trick question. I know you’ve been to at least one – your own! But have you ever been to a wedding as a guest? As a bridesmaid, for example? It’s a great day out – sometimes I turn up just for the free buffet. What? These circus credits only stretch so far and I have a LOT of mouths to feed…
My point is, a wedding is a big deal, and when you have a big deal of a day to see to, then you need to dress for the occasion, right? You will understand this more than most of OSW. Now, I’m not an expert fashion designer, unlike you, but even I know that the ladies like to dress to impress. And you know what they clip into their little hairdo?
A fascinator!
And boy is it fascinating, that this simple head garment has become a symbol for opulence, for pride and procession, and for existing in your highest form.
But it just makes me wonder, why are fascinators reserved for weddings? I mean you never see a fascinator when you’re shopping for your groceries, or picking your kids up from the sitters. Nope.
I want to normalise fascinators. I want to normalise feeling like the highest version of yourself, and I think everyone should feel like that every day. That’s why I pick up my little freaks. I want them to feel like more than the rest of the world tells them. My presence is like some kind pf psychological fascinator for them.
And what about me? Well that’s simple, isn’t it. I have a fascinator of my own.
This top hat.
When I wear it I feel so powerful. I feel the expectations that everyone has of me, and I can cope with them. It’s like the hat makes me a better man.
But what does this all mean?
I’m saying let’s pretend we’re getting married, Narcy baby. Let’s pretend this one on one is a walk down the aisle, except instead of saying our I do’s we’re trading blows. Except instead of in sickness and in health we’re wishing for ill health on each other.
But that doesn’t mean it can’t still be the best day of our lives. And even though on paper we’ll never be man and wife – THANK GOD – I still want you to feel like you can stand in front of that closet of yours, pick out your fanciest finery, and wear it. Then just before you leave your house, pick up that fascinator that makes you feel like the boss lady you are, and attach it to that barnet of yours.
Then come and meet me, as the best version of you. We’ll have our first dance as all the guests look on.
And I’ll love every second of the best day ever. When the best version of me, in this top hat fascinator, takes on the best version of you.
And then I win.
Welcome to the freakshow, let us show you the way!