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01. the only antagonist that matters

Just realizing I should've done this already, but yeah, please give me feedback on my first promo as Grizzly St. Claire. 

Pros/Cons/Etc.

Thank you.

Hey mate.

Good to have you aboard, and reaching out to get guidance on the promos is a wonderful sign. It's a tricky style to master, mainly because you have to say a lot without wasting any words.

The biggest piece of advice I can give you is make every word count. With only 500 to use, you have to hit the points you want to make in order to build the story you want to tell.

Have a climax in mind, and work out the "dominoes" you need to knock down in order to get there.

Make sure every point then works towards this climax. Once you've hit that, you finish strong with the knockout punch.

 

In terms of pros and cons.

Pros:

“I apologize in advance, Captain Arcadia, but you will be my first FEAST in over several months. The intricate canvas will thaw and the KODIAK will have his way. The talk of hibernation has concluded and here I stand awaiting what is supposed to be a challenge. Silk pillow cases are more intimidating than you. You are NOT what the OSW fans along with our immediate peers are bashfully intrigued to see. THAT’S ME."

This section is a good place to work from. It has the clutch of your promo in here. There's lots of threads you could possibly pull out here.

You have a poetic writing style. But beware, this is a tricky thing to balance - every shine has a shadow.

 

Cons:

The shadow of your style is that you say many words without making much of a point. It's beautiful writing, but it wanders in a sense. I'd skeleton out what you want to say in prose, then flesh that out to get yourself a bit of a blueprint of how the character works in this reduced style.

It's tough working on a debut promo, as you have to also get the character across, which detracts from the match/storyline focus you need to focus on. It didn't feel like there was much about Arcadia in there until about 2/3 of the way through. You've got to hit notes faster in this style

 

What I try to aim for is as follows

100 words(ish): set up the promo, introduce the theme or story that will drive it.

250 words(ish): dissect how the story told relates to the character. Parallel the metaphor.

100 words(ish): build up to that climax.

50 words(ish): the go home punch.

 

Hopefully this helps, I'll be interested to see what you do next week now we've met the character.

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