WWF Smackdown #1 - Just Bring It!
WWF Smackdown!
Madison Square Garden, New York City
Synoposis: The WWF World Heavyweight Championship has been vacated by Shawn Michael's who was violently run down in the parking lot of the Arrowhead Pond of Anaheim in Anaheim, California. On the same night, Dlo Brown was brutally assaulted, forcing him to relinquish his European Championship, as was Ken Shamrock, who likewise vacated the Intercontinential. As the hunt for the perportrator(s) begins, so does the Championship trail. WWF Smackdown kicks off that trail with five WWF World Championship tournament matches. The losers of this round will fight next week for the European Championship and the losers of the semi-finals will go to do battle for the Intercontinential.
We come back from commercial to find Kurt Angle stood in the middle of the ring with a microphone, the crowd booing.
Kurt Angle: When I found out I’d be facing Kane at Madison Square Garden, I couldn’t be more excited.
The fans cheer.
Kurt Angle: And then I remembered it was in New York.
Kurt smiles and the fans boo again.
Kurt Angle: I know, I know. How do you think I feel? I have to face a big burnt monster in a place that smells worse than Viscera’s jock strap. Tonight, your Olympic Hero must overcome the odds just like I did with a broken freakin’ neck. Do you know why? It’s because you people out here and all those in the back need a Champion with some integrity.
He smiles.
Kurt Angle: And not just some integrity, but some intensity and some intelligence. That’s why I have my three I’s.
Boos.
Kurt Angle: Kane, you might be a big burnt piece of trash, but I eat pieces of trash like you for breakfast!
“You eat trash” chants start, frustrating Kurt.
Kurt Angle: And tonight, I’m eating breakfast for supper like a rebel. Oh it’s true…. it’s true.
Kurt smiles, tossing the microphone aside.
200 words
GLASS SHATTERS!
And a pissed off Rattlesnake swaggers out from the back as the roof of Madison Square Garden is absolutely blown off.
Stone Cold wastes no time entering the ring and calling for a microphone.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "There's been a lot of questions around here lately. Who ran down Shawn Michaels? Who whipped D'Lo's ass? Who took out Ken Shamrock? What happens now?"
Stone Cold paces the ring.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "Well, what happens now is simple. You see, tonight starts a tournament to crown the next WWF Champion."
The crowd pops.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "And I'm here to tell you that you're looking right at him. Here and now, look no further than the baddest mother fucker to walk these halls. There ain't nothing Bubba Ray Dudley can do about that! NAH UH!"
Crowd cheers!
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "So Bubba! Why don't you get that goofy ass on down here so The Texas Rattlesnake can whip your big dumb ass all over Madison Square Garden!"
The crowd pops again.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "And that's the bottom liiinnnnnne... 'CUZ STONE COLD SAID SO."
Austin drops the microphone and calls for a beer.
And another!
We fade to commercial as Stone Cold starts guzzling beer and playing to a red hot crowd!
Dude Love appears on the Titantron, dancing to his music surrounded by hippie ladies.
Dude Love: “Now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and all my Dudettes out there...”
He grins.
Dude Love: “You know, I’ve danced under disco balls and I’ve brawled in bingo halls, but tonight is something special! Because tonight, all over Smackdown, the Dudester’s gonna get a little bit edgy!”
The crowd groans.
Dude Love: “That’s right! I’m talking about you, Edge! You think you know me? You think you know what it’s like to step into this ring and face a man who’s as groovy as Marvin, but hits harder than the crash off a psychedelic?”
The Dudester shakes his head.
Dude Love: “Edge, you’re one of the sharpest blades I’ve ever seen, but now you’re gonna find out what happens when you mess with the master of funk, the wizard of weird, the one and only Dude Love!”
He flashes a peace sign.
Dude Love: “So, Edge, lace up those boots real tight, because you’re about to ride the love train, and Dude’s the conductor! And this train stops for no one, baby! Oooh, have mercy!”
Dude Love dances as the scene fades.
[Backstage]
Kevin Kelly: Folks… I’m here with-
Double J seizes the microphone.
Jeff Jarrett: Shut your mouth, slappy, and don’t piss me off!
Jarrett looks incensed.
Jeff Jarrett: Now I know damn well you were about to ask me whether I had anythin’ to do with what happened to Shawn Michaels last week in Anaheim, but do us all a favour and save your stinkin’ breath cos I don’t need to get behind the wheel of a stupid-ass car to take out the Dubya-Dubya-F Champion! Everyone in this business knows how great I am, and if you don’t believe me… Well then, let me spell it out for ya!
Jeff Jarrett: See, I’m the greatest Intercontinental Champ there ever was, but now I have my sights set on the biggest prize of ‘em all! They don’t call me The Chosen One for nothin’, and I’ll prove that by smackin’ the Undertaker all over The Garden with my guitar like a pinata tonight!
Double J points provocatively at the camera.
Jeff Jarrett: Undertaker… You might think you’re the biggest dog in the yard, but tonight I’m gonna give your dead ass a lesson on what it means to be truly great!
Jarrett whips off his sunglasses
Jeff Jarrett: Now, choke on that… Slapnuts!
*Boom!*
The explosion, the guitar riff. Kane has arrived.
Accompanied by Paul Bearer, Kane makes their way to the ring. Bearer’s high pitched wail echoes out around Madison Square Garden.
Paul Bearer: Like sand through the hourglass, so too are the days of Kurt Angle’s Olympic legacy numbered. Behold, the embodiment of destruction, Kane, and I, Paul Bearer, the harbinger of his wrath. You think your medals make you invincible? Oh, how wrong you are. Time is ticking, and your end is near.
The crowd boo Bearer, but he continues on.
Paul Bearer: Kurt Angle, your Olympic legacy will crumble like sand through the hourglass in the face of Kane's unrelenting power. The fury of the Big Red Machine, fueled by the darkness that dwells within will bring you to your knees as you beg for mercy.
Bearer turns to Kane, who stands menacingly.
Paul Bearer: And when Kane is finished with you, Kurt Angle, there will be no storybook comeback. He’s not just going to break your neck, there’s no telling what he might do to you.
Bearer smiles.
Paul Bearer: Oh, yesss!
Bearer raises the microphone to Kane’s mouth. He speaks in his low, drawn out robotic voice.
Kane: Tick... Tock… No one can stop Kane.
[Edge and Christian are backstage. Edge is busy watching TV.]
Christian: You totally have a match tonight. Shouldn’t you be preparing for Dude?
Edge: “Who’s my opponent?”
Christian: Dude....
[Edge shrugs.]
Edge: “Yeah? But who’s my opponent?”
Christian: Dude!!
Edge: YES!? BUT WHO.. IS… MY… OPPONENT!?
Christian: It’s DUDE! DUDE LOVE!
Edge: Oh? Why didn’t you say so? Geez.
[Christian laughs.]
Edge: I’m not worried about Dude Love as much as I am that reek of suckitude that follows him around. He is NOT totally awesome.
Christian: That’s not suckitude you’re smelling, dude. That’s crud. I don’t think Mick Foley knows what a shower is.
Edge: Who’s Mick Foley?
Christian: Dude…
Edge: Yeah, but who’s… wait.. let’s not do this again.
[Nods.]
Edge: Foley isn’t World Championship material, Christian. That dorkchop couldn’t win a strudel eating contest and by the looks of him, and those stains down his shirts, strudel is all he eats. I don’t need to prepare for a guy who totally sucks more than Lita. That goofball will probably spend most of the match loving himself with a five knuckle shuffle, if you know what I mean?
Christian: Totally. Self-Handy. Ha.
Edge: You’re looking at the new WWF Champion, Christian. Dude Love is a wet fart follow through and I totally reek of awesomeness.
(Backstage Michael Cole stands alongside Undertaker.)
Cole: Undertaker, you’re up against Jeff Jarrett in the first round of The WWF Championship Tournament, your thoughts?
(Taker grabs the microphone from Cole shoves him to the side and looks back at the camera intensity in his eye.)
Taker: I’ve been around the World Wrestling Federation for years with you Cole and I’m still waiting for you to ask a decent question of me. But as for J-E-Double F J-A-Double R-E-Double T. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Double J, Jeff Jarrett. A boy who has his existence in this business because his Daddy used to be somebody in it. Listen here Daddy’s Boy that’s all you are and all you’ll ever be to me.
(Taker sneers.)
Taker: Because I’ve fought the best in this business. I’ve beaten the best in this business. I’ve bought and paid for my yard time and again.
(Taker scoffs.)
Taker: I wasn’t handed a job or place like you. But I will say this, this week I will hand you your ass while doing something your daddy always wanted to do but never did, and make you famous.
(Cut.)
We appear in a green room where both members of Kaientai walk in front of a poster of No Mercy with the Rock front and center. TAKA points at his opponent to be and proceeds to speak Japanese, but a disembodied English voice speaks over him.
TAKA Michinoku: Look! It is the Rock! Do you smell what he is cooking?
Loud sniffing is heard before TAKA mimes it.
TAKA Michinoku: It smells like he's cooking up an excuse to why he lost to Kaientai!
The voice laughs. Michinoku follows suit a second later.
TAKA Michinoku: This fool thinks he can snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, but he is sadly mistaken! No force of good can defeat us, not even a man who is confused about what he really is!
TAKA proceeds to rip the poster off the wall, crumpling it into a ball as he continues to speak.
TAKA Michinoku: You might be ready to lay the smackdown on me, but by the power invested in me, I will lay the smackdown on you! Because I am one half of Kaientai! And I am... EEEEEEEEVILLLLLLL!
TAKA throws the poster ball into the floor. He then looks to Funaki, who "says" one word.
Funaki: INDEED.
We then cut.
We cut backstage, where the Dudley Boyz are standing by in front of a WWF backdrop.
D'Von: We've come a LONG way from Dudleyville to the WWF on a mission from God. Oh, my brotha...testify!
D'Von slaps his brother Bubba on the chest, prompting the older and more rotund Dudley to speak up.
Bubba: My name is Bubba Ray Dudley, and I have been given tasked by God and my father to take on the so-called toughest S.O.B. in this business, Stone Cold Steve Austin. You talk a lotta trash...but Big Daddy Dudley didn't raise no quittah!
Bubba slaps the backdrop behind him for emphasis before pressing on.
Bubba: My brother and I are gonna show everyone in the WWF how tough we are...and it starts tonight on Smackdown, when I beat you to move on in the tournament to crown a new WWF Champion. Tell 'im, D'Von!
Bubba slaps his brother on the chest as D'Von chimes in once more.
D'Von: Stone Cold, you talk about Austin 3:16 but God has just three commandments...thou shall not steal, thou shall not kill, and thou shall not mess with the Dudleys!
The duo storm off as we fade to black.