WWF Smackdown #3 - Championship Gold
Triple H is standing in the middle of the ring microphone in hand while his music fades out.
Triple H: When I see the men I have to face for the Intercontinental Title, I'm reminded of these statues I saw at a local store.
Triple H points to the jumbotron and it's the three monkeys of see no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil.
Triple H: Not just because they remind me of your mothers in the morning, you know what they say three threes add to a nine. No, they remind me what you should all be doing.
Their faces are photoshopped onto the monkeys. Taka on hear no evil, Kane on speak no evil, and Edge on see no evil.
Triple H: Taka, you really should stop listening to what Funaki is saying. It's just made you the loser we all know yo are. Indeed!
Triple H: Edge, you should really stop caring about flash photography when the only lights you'll see are on the ceiling. Totally reeking of Mediocrity.
Triple H: As for you Kane, keep doing what you're doing and stay quiet, no one cares what you say anyway. Yesssss!
[Backstage, The Rock pacing back and forth with fury in his eyes]
The Rock should be standing here, one week away from the biggest WWF title match of the Millenium against that bald headed bastard Steve Austin but for the past two weeks, The Rock has been screwed time and time again by jumped up little jabronies who couldn’t lace The Rock’s boots.
But one or two losses is never going to hold the People’s Champion down as tonight he goes out and electrifies Virginia, lays the smackdown on two jumped up jackasses and proves why he should be in that WWF title match at No Mercy.
Jeff Jarrett, you can call yourself the Chosen One but even with a fine woman like Debra around, all you’ve chosen to do is to kiss Vince McMahon’s ass. And fighting alongside a Canadian Candy Ass doesn’t matter to the People’s Champion.
Because you can bring out Chris Jericho, you can bring out Vince McMahon, hell bring out all of Memphis cause the two greatest wrestlers in WWF history are going to stomp a mudhole in your candy asses that you will never forget.
If You SMELLLLLLLLLL…..
What The Rock is Cooking
Edge: There comes a time in every man’s life when he needs to grow up and focus on the things he really wants.
Edge: Like the Intercontinental Championship…
Edge: And that time… is not today, dorkchops.
Edge: You see, Edge doesn’t need to grow up like a big red retard, turn yellow like that little man from Japan or grow a long pointy nose and call himself the Game-ah, to win titles. That would totally reek of suckitude.
Edge: All Edge needs to do is show up.
Edge: Because whilst Taka Michinoku is busy eating fried rice and playing with his tiny pecker, which is a bigger pecker than Kane, who doesn’t have one after it was burnt off in the fire, Edge will be reeking of awesomeness on levels they can’t even comprehend.
Edge: This Thursday Night on Smackdown, I’m gonna totally become the new WWF Intercontinental Champion and when I do, I won’t just be the Champion of the continent, but the Champion of the world!
Christian: Wouldn’t that be the World Champion, dude?
Edge: No, I mean yeah, but the continent is part of the world, right? Hell, so is Europe. I could represent everything.
Christian: That’s totally how that should work!
Edge: Right? Totally!
Richmond Coliseum,
Richmond, Virgina.
Glass shatters and Stone Cold Steve Austin kicks off Smackdown with attitude this week. He storms to the ring and demands a microphone, telling Jeff Jarrett and Vince McMahon that they can stack the odds all they want, the rattlesnake will become WWF Champion at No Mercy.
Jarrett comes out onto the stage and drags Deborah with him by the hair. He tells Austin that he’s the victim here, slapnuts. Austin slept with his valet. If Austin doesn’t back off, he’s going to put Deborah in the hospital.
Austin calls him a coward and tells him he’ll back off tonight, but it’s open season on the WWF.
Singles Match
Bubba Ray Dudley (w/ D’von) vs. The Undertaker
» The Undertaker dominated the early goings of the match, taking the beating to Bubba with a big right hands and uppercuts. The match was one way from beginning to end with Bubba only able to mount offence when D’von distracted the referee and got knocked off the apron.
» That set the tone for the finish though. As The Undertaker went to finish Bubba with a Chokeslam, Kane’s pyro hit and distracted him. As Kane made his way out, Undertaker met him and the brawl left Taker with a Chokeslam on the outside. Kane rolled him in and Bubba covered for the win.
Winners: Bubba Ray Dudley
Ringside:
The Rock and Dude Love make a b-line to the ring and begin brawling with the Dudley Boys, which causes Edge and Christian to come out as well.
The brawl ensues, only for Kaientai to make their way to the stage and laugh at them with voiceovers. As Kaientai laugh, they fail to see Austin appear from behind.
The Rattlesnake drops Funaki and a begging Taka Michinoku with Stone Cold Stunners as security try to break up the six man brawl in the ring.
Backstage:
The Undertaker storms into Vince McMahon’s office and demands that Kane be added to his match with Kurt Angle at No Mercy. Vince agrees, but on one condition.
The door closes as Vince and The Undertaker discuss exactly what that condition is, sure to leave us wanting to know the answer.
Tag Team Match
Jeff Jarrett & Y2J vs. Stone Cold & The Rock
» This Tag Team Match saw Austin demand Jarrett get in the ring but Jericho attack instead. Y2J kept Austin away from Double J, isolating him for long enough that he had to make the hot tag. The Rock came in and cleared house.
» As Jericho looked for a tag from Double J, he found that Jarrett had thrown his hands in the air and waved off the match, walking to the back. Jericho turned around dumbfounded, into a Rock Bottom and a three count.
Winners: Stone Cold & The Rock
Ringside:
The Undertaker storms out to the ring to meet Austin, grabbing The Rattlesnake by the throat. The deal he made with McMahon was clearly predicated upon him attempting to subdue Austin. Austin though kicks low and breaks the hold, nailing Big Evil with a Stunner.
The Rattlesnake flips him the bird and exits the ring, only for The Undertaker to sit up and laugh. Why? Because behind Austin is Jarrett, who nails him with a guitar shot to the head, laying him out on the ramp.
Backstage:
Stephanie McMahon is backstage on the phone to Shawn Michaels wife to check in when Chris Jericho arrives fresh back from his match. Jericho runs her down for being a skanky two-bit trasher trash bag hoe until he’s blindsided by Triple H.
Triple H lays him out in the backstage area, beating the holy heck out of him for insulting his wife. The Game tells Jericho that at No Mercy, he’s going to teach him how to play the game and it starts with respect.
WWF European Championship Match
Dude Love vs. Kurt Angle
» The first of our two Championship matches saw Dude Love take Angle to town on the outside of the ring. Kurt couldn’t handle the violence at the start, but with a DDT on the ring steps, brought himself back into the fight.
» In the ring and Angle went for the Ankle Lock, only Dude Love managed to roll out and kick Kurt off. Kurt came back, straight into the Mandible Claw and had no choice but to tap out, crowning Dude Love as European Champion.
Winner and European Champion: Dude Love
Ringside:
Kurt Angle is cornered by Paul Bearer and Kane. Bearer tells them that The Undertaker has forced Kane into their match at No Mercy, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Angle wants to know what he means by that. Bearer says that they’ll let Angle simply not take part at No Mercy and deal with The Undertaker themselves. All Kurt has to do is stay out of their way and The Undertaker will rest in peace.
Angle nods with a smile and agrees. He says “I can do that!”.
WWF Intercontinental Championship Match
Taka Michinoku (w/ Funaki) vs. Edge (w/ Christian) vs. Kane (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Triple H
» Christian and Funaki made a meal of their being outside the ring for this one, brawling as the match got underway and being ejected to the back. That evened the odds for those in the match. Taka Michinoku nailed Edge with a Michinoku Driver and almost scored the win during the confusion if not for the interruption of The Game.
» The Game though, despite a Pedigree to Taka, walked himself into a Chokeslam from Hell that nearly broke him in two. Kane attempted to the cover but Edge broke it up. Edge geared up for a Spear but Kane nailed him with a Big Boot. Taka was then back into the action, got scooped into a Tombstone and nailed for a three count, crowning Kane our Intercontinental Champion.
Winner and Intercontinental Champion: Kane
Backstage:
Jeff Jarrett and Vince McMahon are hightailing it towards the parking lot with Austin in hot pursuit. As The Rattlesnake chases them, security attempt to get in the way only to receive stunners for good measure.
Deborah then comes along just as McMahon and Jarrett speed off, a black eye and a bandage on her head. She says that Jarrett slapped her around and hit her with a guitar.
Austin consoles Deborah, absolutely seething as Smackdown goes off the air with No Mercy in one weeks time.