Human Cannonball

In Klaus Way, Promo by Klaus Way

[The air fizzes with anticipation. There is an actual crowd in the Big Top tonight, though it is small. Klaus is extremely pumped up to see this.]

“Ladies and gentlemen. What a beautiful night it is and what a beautiful sight you all are. We here at Way & Co. could not be happier to welcome you to this special, one-of-a-kind event. You get to bear witness to the first time we’ve EVER performed this act. ISN’T THAT WONDERFUL!?

[He bounces over to a curtain, pulling it back and wheels out a comically large cannon on wheels, decorated in the white and red colour scheme of the Big Top itself. Atop the cannon sits a woman in a sparkly costume.]

“Yes. YES. Here is our first human cannonball show! And we’ve hired a lovely new assistant called Auror-. Ahem. Borora? Bor-. Boris? BORIS! Her name is BORIS, and she’s here to put on a SHOW.”

[He’s cackling at his own jokes, as Boris starts to lower herself into the cannon.]

“The thing about the human cannonball act is it takes a lot of BALLS. A lot of of GUTS, to climb in that cannon and shoot yourself out at speeds that make you lose all control of your body, and trust in the process that lands you in the right place, at the right time, in a big squishy net.

[He points at the net at the opposite side of the circus arena.]

“The tiniest miscalculation, or someone not paying attention could be all that it takes to cut short your career as a LIVING PERSON. There is no room at all for complacency in the human cannonball act. DON’T YOU AGREE?

[As Klaus shouts at his audience, Boris has now gotten into place. Klaus takes a lit stick and holds it to the fuse of the cannon. It slowly burns through, and as it reaches the cannon he squats down, covers his ears and waits.]

[Boris goes flying through the air, adrenaline coursing through her veins, nothing but the wind in her hair and a smile on her f-]

[She missed.]

“Oh, my wonderful audience. I’m so sorry you had to witness that, but don’t worry, the cleaning crew will bring out the giant spatula soon enough to extricate her from the wall structure. But that is the problem isn’t it. Aurora faces the same fate, as she shoots herself out of a giant cannon towards the man known as Jackdaw. Poor Boris here had a net to aim for, but Aurora? She’s already airborne and she has just realised she has no safety net. If she falls one way she hits Jackdaw, a man who will surely eat her scrambled remains on toast. If she falls the other way she hits Jash Khan, who might well bore her to death if the impact doesn’t do it. And then if she falls the third way she hits the wonderful Way & Co. circus! We have the net she needs to thrive! We’ll just make it bigger next time…”

“Welcome to the FREAK SHOW, let us show you the way!”

[Cut.]