We open in what’s very clearly a set kitchen, as Captain Arcadia comes in with that old familiar smile and wearing an apron that would fit more on a grandmother than anyone else.

“Hey there Arcadia! Welcome back to the Food Safety video course! This week’s episode is all about food safety, and the right temperatures to cook with! An important and delicate balance to learn for all you beginning chefs!”

Reaching behind the counter, he puts a cardboard diagram on the counter.

“See, when it comes to cooking, you have to hit just the right temperature. Too hot, you risk turning what was something fun and delicious into a charcoal brick! Too cold, then all sorts of little parasites and diseases can warm in, and the recipe won’t form right.”

Cap puts three trays with a pie dish and puts them in individual ovens, each set at different temperatures. As the timer starts, he speaks up again.

“And you can tell with people too when they’re not cooked right. Take Anton for example! He’s been in the kitchen cooking away so far, he’s become a crusty old bastard who’s burned all bridges for help. No one’s gonna trust him, he’s as burnt as this pie!”

Cap pulls the hottest pie out of the oven, showing a charcoal brick in the shape of a pie.

“And then there’s Mr. Sunshine. He’s been playing with others, getting grosser and creepier with each passing day. Working with kids and then ordering hits on people doesn’t scream normal. Nothings quite cooked right, and while the surface may look good, everything beneath is runny.”

He pulls the coldest pie out, and at a glance it looks great. A quick finger jammed down inside however shows gross, uncooked food oozing out from beneath.

“Now, if you’re looking for something just right, you bake it at just the right temperature and just long enough to come out to make a delicious pie! Absolutely important for making desert just right for those house guests”

Turning back to the ovens, he pulls out the middle one: a crisp perfect apple pie with a golden flaky crust.

“It takes the right heat to make sure that your dish comes out right. And take it from me: I’ve been in that heat before. Slowly baking, learning, growing with just the right balance of ingredients. Taking not too much heat to become bitter and despondent, but not undercooked to ooze vile feelings and bad imagery.”

He chuckles, shaking his head before flashing a broad, picture perfect smile.

“Oh no, I’m the golden crust, cream of the crop perfect desert that just hits the spot. Clean, efficient, and something you’ll take about years after trying. The hero of Arcadia, here to make rainy days and bad dishes disappear from your plate! For now, and for always, the good of Arcadia!”

He laughs as the pie cools on the table. The screen freezes, stuck on an unfortunately awkward face as the tape cuts short.