Reflection

In Narcissa Balenciaga, Promo by Narcissa Balenciaga

I figured with reconciliation that Zeus would cause me to lose some sleep but the only thing that’s been keeping me up at night lately has been that mind-killing emotion I’m all too familiar with.

Instead of my husband, fear has been the thing growing more and more intimate with me, holding me tightly, refusing to let go.

All because of one man who feels like he’s entitled to his old flame. Tombstone wants the world to believe guilt is what’s making me restless. You know damn well it’s not guilt keeping me awake, Tombstone. I have no shame in holding the one thing in this world that didn’t mind your touch. After all, she was already letting a nobody hold her the moment you let her go.

No, it’s the woman of my nightmares, the woman you’ve made live rent-free inside my mind for weeks. I gave you what you wanted yet you still are trying to weaken me with fear, still trying to do whatever it takes to get your obsession back. Like an addict you need that golden needle breaking your skin destroying you from within just to feel any semblance of joy.

It was about to work too but like any addict, you couldn’t stop, diminishing returns started to occur and its effectiveness has worn off. Once the fear faded, I can see who she is and why I was so afraid until now. She reminded me of all my innermost fears, the woman you’ve terrified me with seems to be myself in the future if I fail. She seemed to be a distorted amalgamation of my worst anxieties. A reflection that showed the worst me.

A woman who has clearly perished as represented by skeletal imagery. In addition, it looks like she gave up on life and died internally long before the journey you’ve forced billions to take happened. No joy or contentment is seen on a face that has no way to hide any emotion. You wanted me to see the version of me that became nothing and glitches out of existence due to being a waste of space not worth remembering. 

I’ll give it to you, it was truly horrific and this world had become an eternal nightmare.

Yet, the more I saw her, fear subsided and I started to wonder why this was your tactic of choice.  

Then it dawned on me, while this was terrifying, it’s not my fear that created her.

It’s yours. She’s the husk you’ve become, the distorted reflection of yourself that you’re trying to get rid of through me. You want me to feel empty like you do and give you a chance to win because without this championship, you don’t get to carry something that brings you joy, only the burden of a life you did not design. Sorry, ferryman. My fear is not your path to glory. Reflect on why you did this and throw everything you have at me, you shell of a miserable being. No matter what happens in our match, I’ll still be better off than you.

Unlike you, I don’t need this belt to feel like I’m worth something.