“Lemme tell you about a lil thing we call the Riddle Box.”
“A jack-in-the-box that sits right before the afterlife.”
“Any poor fuck who bites the dust gets in line to find out where they’re goin’. You goin’ to Shangri-la? Or are you headin’ straight to Echo Side. Heaven or hell.”
“It’s real simple. Any soul that dies has to wrap their hands around the box’s crank and start turnin’. As the music plays you get all the time in the world to sit there and wonder just what lies ahead. Think of it like askin’ a question.”
“Sometimes it’s a question you won’t like the fuckin’ answer to.”
“As the melody fills the air, the question sits on your tongue, you get all the time in the world to agonize over what you’re about to learn. Then, once your heart’s poundin’ in your ears and sweat drips down your nose? Music ends, the jack-in-the-box pops up, and you get smacked in the fuckin’ dome with the answer you were lookin’ for.”
“But I gotta know… As the tension rises, as your blood pressure spikes, is it worth it to learn the answer?”
“Now, you’re one persistent little fuckboy, Destructo Bitch. Believe me, my boys tried their god damndest to send your ass to join your mom but they ain’t fuckin’ bright so I guess now it’s on me to finish the job.”
“So you want answers? Well let me ask you somethin’, fuckboy.”
“Do you think you can handle them?”
“See, you’ve been botherin’ the shit outta me. You walked up to the Riddle Box and started turnin’ my crank over and over because you so desperately want me to answer your questions. Only you ain’t hearin’ music with me, are you? Nah, you’re hearin’ me laugh as you get the shit kicked outta you.”
“Just holdin’ on tight as you turn the crank. Blood pourin’ from your busted lip, tears in your eyes. Do you wanna know who? Do you wanna know why?”
“But more importantly, when the music comes to an end, when I’m done whoopin’ your ass? Do you think you’ll be able to accept the answer you get?”
“See, people like you are why the Riddle Box scares Juggalos, fuckboy. Everyone who turns its handle are sitting there hopin’, prayin’, to get a good answer and cryin’ when they wind up deep in hell.”
“And that’s where I’m different.”
“Because I know for a fact that I’m goin’ to the deepest, darkest fuckin’ pits of Echo Side. I ain’t scared of any answer I’ve ever been given. I don’t fear the unknown, the unknown fears me.”
“So when you step your stupid ass into the ring to give my handle one more crank? This Jack-in-the-box is gonna pop right out and bust your in your fuckin’ lips.”
“You better be ready, bitch.”
“Because when the music stops you’re ganna learn.”
“Your mom was a whore.”
“And eventually? Everyone gets downed by the clown.”