Mighty Mighty - The bringer of fun #2

#1 · 22 September 2024, 15:03

Hi there, bringer of fun 2 is up and feedback is appreciated

#2 · 22 September 2024, 23:56

Quote from Klaus Way on 22 September 2024, 23:56
Hello!

This will kind of be feedback on both your promos, as I didn't manage to get around to replying to your last one.

First, from a technical POV, you are tagging your promos as "Promo" but you are not tagging them as "Mighty Mighty" on the tickboxes. If you do so, then it will allow a 'tagged' page to be generated that lists all of your promos if you or anyone else wants to go back to them, so do ensure you do that when you promo going forward.

One thing I noticed in your first piece was that you switched from present to past tense quite a lot, but I'm glad to see you have fixed that for your second piece, great job. I can also see you took the advice from the last forum thread on board in terms of laying out your promo with the names differently, and it is instantly much more readable. It is great that you are willing to listen, learn and implement it in your writing, so well done.

My main piece of advice is probably going to be the main piece of advice you get from anyone who responds here, and it is fairly similar to the feedback from Frank last time out. It felt like a lot of your promo was wasted with the questions from Lucky Cassidy. The issue with interviews in such a low wordcount is that if you spend 128 words on questions then you're already nearly 25% down on your words. The questions themselves don't really build too much towards the match, with Lucky on saying that she is "formidable" and "known for her mind games and tactics". Mighty could easily say the same thing - in fact he pretty much does, as that is the nature of interviews, the response is usually related to the question.

Including your 86 scene description words thats over 200 words or 40% of your promo spent without actually saying much.

This isn't to say you can't or shouldn't use scene as part of a promo, but it should be relevant and useful to what you are trying to achieve. When I first started playing Klaus, I had a lot of scene in my promos, trying to find the style, but felt like I was just inserting scene for the sake of it so moved back to a monologue only. It could be that some weeks you need scene and some weeks you don't - the best advice in this regard is to try not to box yourself in. Dean says this all the time.

I think you'll get there, you clearly love to write and have the voice for this character in your head, so it is just a matter of refining it, which will come naturally as you write more and more. In the meantime, I would suggest reading as many promos by other people as you can, just to get a flavour, but make an exceptional effort to read the top 3 each week.

Just as an example, top 3 this week were Felix Foley, CJ Thorpe and Gravedigger. All three used scene, so it is a good week to study how the scene complimented their characters dialogue, and try and do that with Mighty next time you're booked.

Bonus Tip: I would also think about shorter and snappier titles, that give an indication of what the promo is about, rather than the same title with a different number at the end each week.

Hello!

This will kind of be feedback on both your promos, as I didn't manage to get around to replying to your last one.

First, from a technical POV, you are tagging your promos as "Promo" but you are not tagging them as "Mighty Mighty" on the tickboxes. If you do so, then it will allow a 'tagged' page to be generated that lists all of your promos if you or anyone else wants to go back to them, so do ensure you do that when you promo going forward.

One thing I noticed in your first piece was that you switched from present to past tense quite a lot, but I'm glad to see you have fixed that for your second piece, great job. I can also see you took the advice from the last forum thread on board in terms of laying out your promo with the names differently, and it is instantly much more readable. It is great that you are willing to listen, learn and implement it in your writing, so well done.

My main piece of advice is probably going to be the main piece of advice you get from anyone who responds here, and it is fairly similar to the feedback from Frank last time out. It felt like a lot of your promo was wasted with the questions from Lucky Cassidy. The issue with interviews in such a low wordcount is that if you spend 128 words on questions then you're already nearly 25% down on your words. The questions themselves don't really build too much towards the match, with Lucky on saying that she is "formidable" and "known for her mind games and tactics". Mighty could easily say the same thing - in fact he pretty much does, as that is the nature of interviews, the response is usually related to the question.

Including your 86 scene description words thats over 200 words or 40% of your promo spent without actually saying much.

This isn't to say you can't or shouldn't use scene as part of a promo, but it should be relevant and useful to what you are trying to achieve. When I first started playing Klaus, I had a lot of scene in my promos, trying to find the style, but felt like I was just inserting scene for the sake of it so moved back to a monologue only. It could be that some weeks you need scene and some weeks you don't - the best advice in this regard is to try not to box yourself in. Dean says this all the time.

I think you'll get there, you clearly love to write and have the voice for this character in your head, so it is just a matter of refining it, which will come naturally as you write more and more. In the meantime, I would suggest reading as many promos by other people as you can, just to get a flavour, but make an exceptional effort to read the top 3 each week.

Just as an example, top 3 this week were Felix Foley, CJ Thorpe and Gravedigger. All three used scene, so it is a good week to study how the scene complimented their characters dialogue, and try and do that with Mighty next time you're booked.

Bonus Tip: I would also think about shorter and snappier titles, that give an indication of what the promo is about, rather than the same title with a different number at the end each week.