WWF Smackdown #2 - Triple Threat
WWF Smackdown!
Barclays Center, Brooklyn, New York
Triple Threat Match
WWF Championship Tournament – Semi Final
Kane (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Edge (w/ Christian) vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin
Triple Threat Match
WWF Championship Tournament – Semi Final
Jeff Jarrett vs. Taka Michinoku (w/ Funaki) vs. Triple H
Triple Threat Match
Intercontinential Championship Tournament – Semi Final
Dude Love vs. The Undertaker vs. Y2J
Triple Threat Match
Intercontinential Championship Tournament – Semi Final
Kurt Angle vs. Bubba Ray Dudley (w/ D'von) vs. The Rock
The arena goes banana as Dude Love struts into the ring. He grabs a microphone with a toothless grin, as the crowd buzzes with anticipation.
Dude Love: “Tonight, we got ourselves a real funky situation, baby!”
He chuckles, pacing the ring.
Dude Love: “We’ve got the American Bad Ass, big bad Undertaker riding into Brooklyn on his motorcycle. And we’ve got Y2J, the Ayatollah of Rock 'n' Rolla, Chris Jericho!”
The crowd pops for both.
Dude Love: “Now, Undertaker, you might be Big Evil, roaming your yard with that mean growl.”
He mimics riding a motorcycle, laughing.
Dude Love: “And Jericho, pal, you're slicker than bell-bottoms on a dance floor! But, my brothers, tonight you’re stepping into the psychedelic world of Dude Love!”
He throws up the peace sign, beaming.
Dude Love: “So whether it's chokeslams from the dark side or walls of Jericho being built, the Love Shack is sturdy, baby, and the dance floor is always open! Tonight, it’s not about Texas drawls or breaking down walls; it’s about love, man! So, let’s get groovy and show the world how we do it—Love-style! Ooooh, have mercy!”
Dude Love starts dancing around, completely unfazed and ready to fight.
A raucous crowd gather in the heart of Times Square at WWF New York.
The freshly-bailed Jeff Jarrett stands on stage to a chorus of ‘WE WANT PUPPIES!’
Jeff Jarrett: Are you kiddin’ me!? In case you didn’t hear me last week, I said I am the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time! Look at y’all lustin’ over Debra like a bunch of dogs in heat! She has no interest in you, she has no interest in anybody – but ME!
Jeff Jarrett: She’s MY property! MY prime real estate! And if anybody even thinks about walkin’ on that grass, they’re gonna have to walk through ME first!
‘BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’
Jeff Jarrett: Now Taka… I know in Tokyo they’re more used to eatin’ puppies than lookin’ at ‘em, and Hunter, everybody knows you got your leg up around here for marryin’ a damned dog!
The fans agree on that one as Double J nods in accord.
Jeff Jarrett: Well, slap asses – puppies or no puppies – you’re both about to find out, first hand, why they call me the world’s greatest singer, the world’s greatest performer, the world’s greatest wrestler…
Jarrett motions around his waist.
Jeff Jarrett: And the soon-to-be world’s greatest champion! Now, suck on THAT!
Kurt Angle stands backstage with a microphone.
Kurt Angle: Last week, The American Butthead cost me the WWF Championship! He attacked your Olympic Hero in cold blood.
Kurt Angle: And now I’m fighting for the booby prize against a pair of big lactating boobies. Don’t get me wrong, I like milk as much as the next guy, but I’m not motorboating Bubba Ray Dudley or The Rock to get it.
Angle smiles.
Kurt Angle: Bubba, listen up bucko, last week you cost The Rock just like The Undertaker cost me and whilst no-one gives a darn about him, that in my eyes makes you just as bad as The Undertaker. That just won’t do. Someone needs to stop this kind of behavior in the WWF.
Kurt Angle: Rocky, if you think you’re the people’s champion, then you’re mistaken, Pal. These people root for their Olympic Hero. They root for America. They don’t root for a guy who can’t beat someone with wonky eyes.
Kurt Angle: Last week, The Undertaker made a boob out of Kurt Angle.
Kurt Angle: This week, Kurt Angle performs a mammogram of his own and the milk? Well, that’s the Intercontinental Championship.
Kurt Angle: You won’t make a boob out of me!
Kurt Angle: It’s true, it’s true!
???: "Is this thing on?"
The WWF Titantron lights up as Stone Cold repositions a camera. He's inside the office of Vince McMahon.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "Hey Vince, can ya hear me?"
The crowd explodes as he starts dumping gas all over the office.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "Don't think I forgot about ya pointin' the finger at me last week and tryin' get me arrested. How 'bout ya try this one on for size, ya sonuvabitch."
Stone Cold sets the office on fire.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "And since we're out here pointing fingers at people all willy-nilly, I think that Big Red Retard, Kane, was responsible for this."
He smirks.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "But don't ya worry, Good Ole Stone Cold here is going to take care of that for ya."
Cheers.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "Tonight, Stone Cold gets one step closer to being the new WWF Champion. So if ya want to see Stone Cold walk down to that ring tonight and whoop Kane and Edge's sorry asses all over the Barclays Center, gimme a Hell Yeah!"
Crowd: "HELL YEAH!"
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "Bring your boyfriends on down ring side with ya, so they can get a front row seat of me kickin' your ass!"
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "And that's the bottom liiiiiiine, 'cause Stone Cold said so!"
Austin storms off.
We cut backstage, where the Dudley Boyz storm in front of the WWF backdrop, Bubba Ray ripping a piece of it off as his brother D'Von begins to shout.
D'Von: Pops always told us if we get knocked down, to get our asses back up and fight right back! Last week, my brotha get knocked out of the WWF Championship tournament...but now he's getting his big ass back up, and he's gonna kick enough ass to win the Intercontinental Championship tournament as revenge! Ohhh my brotha...TESTIFY!
He slaps his brother on the chest as Bubba chimes in, the anger pulsing in his tone with a shred of the backdrop in his hands.
Bubba Ray: This week I square off with two of the biggest goofs in this business. Kurt Angle brags about his three I's and The Rock flexes his eyebrow, but you two wouldn't last a day in Dudleyville...and I'm gonna beat both your asses in that ring, just to prove these so-called heroes are just a couple of frauds!
D'Von: Rocky, Kurt, you two will find out why thou shall not MESS with the Dudley Boyz!
Bubba shoves the fabric toward the camera, cutting the scene to black.
The Rock is backstage with Kevin Kelly, the Great One looking agitated as Kevin begins to speak into the microphone.
Kevin Kelly: Rock, last week you failed to advance in the WWF Championship tournament thanks to the Dudleys but tonight….
The Rock puts his hand in front of Kevin’s face, shutting him up for a moment before stealing the microphone.
The Rock: First off Hermie, you should never and The Rock means ever bring up the People’s failures. The Rock had that yellow midget Taka’s ass beat before the inbred twins got into the Rock’s business. Bubba, if your candy ass wants to flip, flop and fly, The Rock will oblige you with such an asswhooping that you’ll forever stutter in fear of ever getting in the Rock’s way again.
The Rock: As for Kurt Angle, the milk drinking, pie drying, virginal dork himself. The Rock sees your three I’s and leaves with you one E. A most Electrifying Smacketh Down in front of the millions…AND MILLIONS of The Rock’s fans.
The Rock: The point is Hermie, The Rock needs that WWF title but The Rock made the Intercontinental Championship great once before and he will do it again. IF YOU SMELL…
WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING.
We appear at ringside, where Kaientai stand in the middle of the ring. A microphone is in TAKA's hand. He taps on it a few times before speaking Japanese which we can't hear. Fortunately, a disembodied voice provides us with an English translation.
TAKA Michinoku: HAH! Double J! Triple H! You might've made it to the second round, but so have I! My advancement in this tournament spells doom for the both of you!
The voice laughs before TAKA follows suit.
TAKA Michinoku: If you two fools think you can match the power of Kaientai, then you're even dumber than you look! Nobody can match our fighting abilities!
Michinoku proceeds to do karate chops and a couple kicks while the voice adds in various grunts. After a few moments of this, he goes back to speaking.
TAKA Michinoku: Triple H, you were shown merely one sixteenth of our true power. Are you game enough to face me at full strength?!
Beat.
TAKA Michinoku: As for you, Slapnuts; you should have stayed in jail! Dropping the soap would be more pleasant than what we're about to do, because we are... EEEEEEEEVILLLLLLL!
TAKA looks over to Funaki and hands him the mike, which he takes.
Funaki: INDEED.
We then fade out.
“Deadman Walkin’!” You’re Gonna Pay plays as Undertaker rides his motorcycle to the ring, exits, and grabs a microphone as the crowd boos.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve seen what makes y’all cheer so you can shut your mouths as I got something to address.”
The crowd grows louder for a couple minutes as Taker steps back and let them exhaust themselves.
“Ya know every day we’re one day closer to the end, to Judgement Day, the day we meet our makers. I know two men whose days are on the express train to that day. Because that Day is Smackdown and I’m your maker and you two boys are stepping into your maker’s yard.”
Taker steps back and wipes his gloved hand across his nose.
“So, Dude, Jericho, this week is about respect and when you step into that ring and you’re gonna pay tribute to the man that’s gonna make you famous! Because Deadman Inc. Ain't goin’ outta business anytime soon. So, you can dance all you want Mr. Love and I’ll play you a lil’ tune by beatin’ your ass like a drum. All the while after the beating I give Y2J, I garuentee he will never evvvvvvvver walk again!
Cut.
Chris Jericho appears on the entrance ramp.
Jericho: Welcome back to... SMACKDOWN! IS! JERICHO!
The crowd cheers as he speaks.
Jericho: Last week I was robbed of my chance at a title that should have been mine!
The crowd boos, Jericho sneering.
Jericho: But don't you Jerichoholics worry, because Vance McMahon one good decision, and that decision is to let the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah face off against two of the WWF's most ridiculous ass clowns for a chance the Intercontinental Title!
He paces back and forth as he speaks.
Jericho: Now, Mike Foley, or Jude Love or whatever the HELL his name is thinks he can just waltz in here with his tie-dye shirt and outdated slang and win a match against Y2J! But the new millennium is here to usher in a new era!
Jericho pauses, smirking.
Jericho: And as for the Blundertaker... He can get on his big stupid Harley, rev it up, and drive it right into the oversized ditch between his wife's legs!
The crowd cheers as Y2J laughs.
Jericho: So get ready, because after I beat you both down tonight? You will never, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! Be the same again!
The crowd continues to cheer as we fade to commercial.