WWF Sunday Night Heat #2 - Golden Dreams
WWF Sunday Night Heat
Freedom Hall
Johnson City, Tennessee
NOTE: Deadline is Friday July 19 at 10am GMT
Main Event
Val Venis vs. Chris Jericho
Tag Team Match
DDP & Raven vs. Al Snow & The Hurricane
Scott Steiner vs. Goldust
Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman vs. Big Bossman
The Bizarre One attaches a long balloon to the end of a bike pump, erotically adjusting it.
"Biiiiiig Poppa Pump, huh? I see you walking around backstage with those big, bulging muscles. You look like a balloon, all inflated with hot, hot air..." A sharp inhale as he begins to pump air into the balloon.
Exhale.
"A nice, big, veiny balloon that looks so terribly close to popping. Oh yes, I can just see how you quiver and shake, getting all pumped up on the excitement!" The balloon inflates more, Goldust holding it at his crotch, the rubber squeaking as he caresses it.
"Don't you get tired of holding it all in, Scotty?" He licks his lips as the balloon expands, getting closer and closer to his face. "Wouldn't you like a real man to show you the joy of nice, orgasmic release?"
Goldust chuckles, pumping faster and faster as he talks. "I'm gonna pump you up, just bring you closer and closer to the edge..."
Pump.
"And closer."
Pump.
Pump.
Pump.
The balloon swells dangerously as Goldust squeezes it. "Until you just..."
POP!
Goldust moans, collapsing back in his chair. "All over this big bad booty daddy."
Val Venis stands in a lavish room, watching as a lady performs an action on him.
We remain looking at his face.
“Helllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Ladies!”
He grins.
“The Big Valbowski has heard your cries and rumblings since last Sunday Night on Heat. Every woman from here to Saudi Arabia is terrified that Val Venis might be the next big burly man to join the Chris Jericho gangbang.”
That grin turns to a grimace.
“Last week, Y2J found himself oiling up Scott Steiner and ended the night as the centre piece of a bukkake, receiving facials from alllll the Natural Born Thrillers.”
He laughs gruffly.
“Women around the country have started petitions, worried that the Big Valbowski will be next to step up and bash his bishop before the world, wasting all the sticky man-gravy on the face of a… man. Could you imagine such a travesty and waste?”
Again, his face turns to a grimace.
“But have no fear ladies, The Big Valbowski doesn’t swing that way. No no, Val Venis reserves his hose for the ladies and the ladies only. I’m sorry Chris, I’m only gonna beat you, not beat off on you.”
He smirks.
“I’ll leave that to wCw.”
Val looks down, revealing that the woman wasn’t performing an act but applying a chastity belt.
We open with Big Bossman standing backstage in the Heat interview set with empty metal barrels on either side of himself.
“Listen up you big bastard, Al Snow and that Hardcore Championship are mine. I’m the one beats that psycho like a drum and last week you stepped on the Bossman’s toes. I don’t take kindly to having my toes stepped on. So get ready boy!”
Bossman takes and points a gloved hand straight down the camera.
“Lesnar, you bring your ass to that ring and I’ll teach you what Law, Order, and Justice are all about here in the World Wrestling Federation. You may be big, strong, fast, and athletic. But turn to that little bald man on your right and ask him? And he’ll be the first to let you know…”
Bossman quickly flips his nightstick from its holster and smashed it off a metal barrel.
*CLANG!*
“I have all the tools to…”
*CLANG!*
“PUT…”
*CLANG!*
“YOU…”
*CLANG!*
“DOWN!”
Bossman then points his nightstick at the camera.
“So, get ready, son, because you face the law, order, and justice here in the WWF this week. Which means you’re about to serve some serious hard time!”
Bossman quickly whips out his mirror sunglasses and smiles sinisterly as the screen fades to black.
Al Snow: I won’t be bent over! Will you stop it! Why do you always have such a dirty mind? Just because he likes to bang and he likes yoga..
Head: ....
Al Snow: I won’t be caught in downward facing dog.
Head: ....
Al Snow: If he even tries to put me in the yogic sleep pose to expose my derriere, you can bet your pretty little head that I break free. You need to stop worrying about Diamond Dallas Page.
Head: ....
Al Snow: No, Raven won’t pick my eyes out.
Head: ....
Al Snow: What do you mean ‘how do I know?’ I don’t know, Head, perhaps it’s because he isn’t really a bird.
Head: ....
Al Snow: How would I know why he calls himself Raven if he’s not really a bird? I’m Al Snow but you don’t see me shivering with icicles hanging off my nipples, do you?
Head: ....
Al Snow: That could be a concern, sure. Hurricane is a little whacky. I’ll admit it, he might be one egg short of a dozen but you shouldn’t discriminate against those in society who need mental health help, Head. He’s a good boy, I’m sure of it. We'll look after him, won't we?
Head: ....
Al Snow: We’ll be fine. After all, what does everybody want?
Head: ....
Al Snow: Exactly.
You know, they say in life, you don’t get to pick your family, but sometimes, even in the chaos of combat, you don’t get to choose your allies either.
So here we are, Page, shadows from the past, bound together not by choice but by necessity.
And across the ring? A delusional duo who think they can wash away the stains of their past glories.
This is about the darkness in the spotlight, the silence in the roar of the crowd.
Why does the universe conspire to bring me to the brink only to push me back into the shadows?
What about me? What about Raven?
Al Snow, you carry a hunk of plastic around, seeking approval from voices only you can hear. And Hurricane? You play the hero in a world devoid of hope, a fool’s errand if there ever was one.
At our core, Dallas and I, we know something you don’t—we embrace the chaos, we revel in the despair.
When the bell tolls, it will toll for thee. And after the dust settles and the echoes fade, the only voice you’ll hear in the darkness will be mine, whispering...
Quote the Raven... Nevermore.
Jericho stands backstage, proudly in front of the WWF logo.
“We’re all looking for the same damned thing.”
He smiles.
“Satisfaction.”
“Folks like Scott Steiner need to feel that satisfaction at the hands of other men. A bit of a reach-around, and suddenly he’s got a whole group of Natural Born Thrillers to help get his rocks off.”
Y2J mimes a certain action with his hand.
“They sure seemed like they liked each other’s company when they were beating my ass four on one.”
“But you, Val Venis, you get your satisfaction from the ladies. What Steiner’s boys do for him, your ladies do for you. Now the Ayatollah of Rock ‘n’ Rolla has his fair share of groupies sniffing around the goods. But when it comes to my own satisfaction… It looks like that’s a job for myself.”
He holds up a fist.
“No matter how many times they try and put me down, I'm still standing here with just my own right hand for company.”
“Everything Steiner’s boys do for him, and the satisfaction your ladies bring you… I can do all of that for myself with that right hand.”
“Because when I take matters into my own hands, I know what the ladies know. Satisfaction is guaranteed, because I am the best in the world at what I do.”
We cut from commercial and Paul Heyman is already in the ring with Lesnar at his side.
“Tonight, my client Brock Lesnar goes head to head against a bitch in blue that considers himself the law of the land here. He is the embodiment of order. One problem with that Bossman is that the rules of man don't extend to beasts.”
Brock Lesnar laughs and smirks at the camera.
“You see, when you're in that squared circle with Lesnar, it might as well be a cage. You did see what he did to Hurricane right? Sure, he lost on paper but no one is calling that pathetic excuse of a man the victor. Brock decimated him like he's going to do to you. If rules and regulations can't stop him, we both know you have no power to and without laws, you're going to hope you get the hurricane treatment because sure he can assault you but he can do far worse. Murder isn't a crime in the animal kingdom, it's a way of survival. This beast won't forget his innate ways when he sees the blue-laden feast you have prepared for him. Isn't that right Brock?"
Brock rubs his stomach to agree.
DDP's mug fades in before our eyes once again.
"It's me! D...D...P!"
He smiles once more.
"Now the last time you saw me, Raven cost me my opportunity at winning the Hardcore championship against Al Snow."
A brief pause.
"Because of that, me and that cuckoo brained man are teaming up to fight against Snow and the Hurricane in a tag match. I know what you're thinking, but Raven costing me a chance at that belt wasn't a bad thing! It... was a good thing!"
Another smile appears before he quickly drops it.
"Why? Well then I wouldn't be a target for that big monster that's running around the locker room for that belt. That, and I'm not as sore as I could be had I become the hardcore champion."
He smiles again.
"Now, I'm heading into this tag team match at a hundred percent, with a partner who, despite hating me, likes to win as much as he likes to listen to himself mope. If he likes winning, then there won't be any shenanigans during this match!"
Beat.
"But don't feel bad Al and Hurricane! Even when you lose, I'll still help you... like you!"
Fade to black.
The stars twinkle in the sky, and the camera pans down to the arena parking lot, as Hurricane seems to land right in position for an interview. What incredible skill!
"Hurricane hasn't always been a lone wolf," he starts. "I've had my fair share of sidekicks over the years, as I put them through the Super Hero In Training scheme. But they've all failed to live up to the standards of superherodom."
"This week, though, I team with Al Snow, who already has his own sidekick. So can he truly be a sidekick to me? Would that make Head my... side-sidekick?"
"Hurricane has looked at our opponents this week and Hurricane sees that they're all kinds of loco. Raven, the narcissist, always talking about himself-" a quick glance to camera with a wink, "-and DDP, who refuses to see the bad things in the world, just the good. WHATSUPWITDAT!? It's psycopathic!"
"When all's said and done, Hurricane thinks these two EVIL-doers are capable of being the big boss at the end of a comic book arc, and although it's not the Hurricane's usual style, maybe on this occasion having a fellow Superhero with his own sidekick in place is just what Hurricane needs!"
Zoom! He takes off again!