“Who did this!?”
An APD officer stands over a man’s body in the Slums, blood pooling from his head onto the pavement. The officer looks at a group of people he gathered up, his suspects. “I’m not leaving this level until I question every last one of you degenerate-“
“I did it.” The voice of Hatchet pipes up, the Juggalo looking at the cop with a smug grin. “Oh shit, did I ruin the lil piggies’ mystery?” The clown gives a vile chuckle, walking over to the body and stomping the head, blood splattering his boots. “Shit, I’ll even tell you exactly what went down. Write this down, I ain’t sayin’ it twice.”
Hatchet looks down at the corpse then back to the officer. “See, bitch boy here thought he was hard, right? Drunk as fuck, high on somethin’, and he started talkin’ shit. Well, next thing he knows, I catch him in the jaw, he drops, and splits his wig all over the sidewalk. Hell, you could ask everyone here what they saw, all the fingers are gonna point to me.”
The cop fumbles for his notepad, trying to write Hatchet’s confession down. “Why would you-“
“Admit it?” The clown laughs, shaking his head. “See, you remind me of this bitch named Candy. Not a stripper, but a detective. Now, Ms. Kane, she likes tryin’ to figure things out. You know, pokin’ her nose where it don’t belong? Like a pig minus the badge. Everything gotta be a fuckin’ mystery to her, she fuckin’ thrives off of diggin’ up dirt.” Hatchet leans into the cop, the officer taking a step back into the wall behind himself.
“Most criminals might even like the thrill of the chase. Tryin’ to cover up murders, hidin’ from the law at every chance they get? It’s a game of cat and mouse.” Hatchet motions behind himself, members of the gathering swarming around the two of them. “But unlike most criminals, I ain’t no mouse, and I ain’t ever been a pussy. I wear exactly what I am on my face. I’m dirty, I’m violent, and most of all? I’m a mother fuckin’ juggalo. So yeah, I dropped this bitch in the middle of the street. I laughed while his eyes rolled back and he spazzed out on the ground. I told you exactly how. Shit, I told you why.”
The officer grabs for his revolver but Hatchet grabs his wrist, shaking his head. “Because what are you ganna do? You know what I did, but you can’t stop me. Shit, Candy can’t stop me either. Because anyone who comes snoopin’ in my business is gonna learn real fast how this shit works.” He takes the gun, pointing it at the cop’s head.
“This beat was a raw deal, pig. And Candy’s match with me? Even rawer. Because after all the sleuthin’ is done, everyone who comes at me learns the exact same thing.”
He pulls the hammer back.
“Eventually? Everyone gets downed by the clown.”
BANG!
Cut.