—[Tape whirs. Static fuzzes. A fuzzy image appears. A voice begins to speak.]

Once upon a time, a scorpion approached a frog at the edge of a river.

He needed to cross, and the frog had what he didn’t—a way over. So the scorpion, cool and calm, asks the frog for a ride. Says, “Trust me. I won’t sting you.” The frog hesitates. He’s no fool. He knows what a scorpion is, what it does.

“If you sting me,” the frog says, “we both drown.”

The scorpion nods. “Exactly. Why would I sting you? I don’t want to die either.”

It makes sense. It’s logical. The frog buys it.

So he lets the scorpion climb on his back.

Halfway across the river—when the water is deepest and escape is impossible—the scorpion stings him.

The poison hits. The frog starts to sink.

“But why?” the frog gasps. “You said we’d both die!”

And the scorpion, without remorse, says:

“I couldn’t help it. It’s my nature.”

—[Hatchet clicks off the tape, tearing it from the VCR.]

Horseshit.

See, when most people watch this shit, they probably feel bad for the fuckin’ frog, don’t they? Oh, he was so trusting, oh, he was just innocently trying to help!

But the frog? He’s no better than the scorpion sittin’ on his back.

Frogs put their nose where it don’t belong. They snap up flies without remorse, not givin’ a fuck about them so long as they get their fill. It’s in their nature, ain’t it?

What I’m sayin’ is, just like Destructo Bitch and Cux, these two deserve each other.

Because you don’t care anymore, do ya Destructo? You don’t care what flies you eat or who sits on your back so long as you cross that river and get a taste of victory on your tongue. Petty crime, Doom, even your dear old dad. All swallowed whole by your little war path.

And Felix may feel bad for you, he may wanna tell you the moral is that you shouldn’t even team with him because all it’ll do is sink you.

But I disagree.

A scorpion is to a frog what the frog is to a fly. Dumb, careless, desperate monsters that’d betray anyone and everyone for their own selfish desires.

I think you should welcome Nox onto your back with open arms. I think both of you should swim halfway through that river, and when his stinger pierces the soft spot on your head? You’ll fuckin’ sink.

Because everyone should get what they fuckin’ deserve.

And I won’t just be watchin’ this go down from the shore.

I’m ganna be the river that drowns you. As you bicker and bitch, I’m ganna pull you both beneath the waves and hold you down until the bubbles stop comin’.

Foley and I may not see eye to eye, but one thing’s for certain.

We both know how this match is ganna play out.

We both know you’ll be gaspin’, cryin’, and fallin’ apart as you drown.

And most importantly?

We both know that everyone gets downed by the clown.