WWF Smackdown #1 - Just Bring It!
Chris Jericho stands in the ring, holding a Nintendo Gameboy in his hands, tapping away at the buttons.
Jericho: Now, for some reason, with a vacant title, the jokes in charge decided that instead of giving me the title like I deserve, I have to win a tournament for what rightfully belongs to me!
The crowd boos.
Jericho: And worse, they want me to play the game to win! But the thing is, I'm not a child or some big, fat, whiney nerd so I don't play games! No, Y2J doesn't play games, he wins matches!
The crowd continues to jeer as Jericho paces the ring.
Jericho: But I'll tell you what. If Hunter Hearst Hilarious wants to saunter down here and get his ass kicked in front of the whole WWF universe then your paragon of virtue would be happy to show him what Y2J does to children's games like him!
Chris shuts the Gameboy off, throwing it over his shoulder to the outside.
Jericho: I'm going to hit his off switch, lock in the Walls of Jericho, and watch him use those big controller fondling hands of his to tap tap tap!
Chris leans in to the camera, giving a thumbs down.
Jericho: Game. Over!
‘IF YOU SMELLL….’
Madison Square Garden erupts in cheers as The Rock comes out onto the stage, microphone in hand.
The Rock: ‘FINALLLY…The Rock has come back to New York City.”
The people erupt once more as The Rock waits for a few seconds before speaking again.
The Rock: All the Rock has heard for the past week is this tournament for the WWF Championship. The WWF Championship that will soon be around the waist of the People’s Champion. But first he has to go through the japanese jabronie known as Taka Mitsubishi
A stage hand whispers in the Rock’s ear before The Rock slaps him aside.
The Rock: It Doesn’t Matter What His Name Is! Because he’s facing the most electrifying man in sports entertainment today and Taka, you can bring your evil and your little life partner Funaki. Because all The Rock is going to do is take his size twelve boot, turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass.
The crowd roar once more.
The Rock: IF YOU SMELLLLL What The Rock Is Cooking.
The Rock drops the microphone on the stage, raising his hand high as the crowd go wild while we fade to commercial.
The Game by Motorhead begins to play throughout the arena.
Triple H is storming to the ring with a velvet bag in hand and mic in another. He walks in.
Triple H: Cut the music!
The music stops.
Triple H: You all saw what happened to Shawn last week so tonight, there's not going to be any fun and you can rest assured, the only game here is me! I was kind and let Shawn keep the title but now that some coward attacked him, I dont give a damn who I have to go through to rightfully own this!
Triple H is opening up the large velvet bag and inside is the championship.
Triple H: You see Shawn told me to hold on to this, keep it safe for him so he can challenge me for it when he's back so you can make sure if I have to bury Taker with his own shovel, introduce Dwayne to true rock bottom or make sure my opponent Jericho's last countdown is the months he has to live, I'm not letting this go because I am the game and I'm that damn good.
Triple H throws the mic down.
Madison Square Garden
New York
The show opened with a shot of Vince McMahon walking through the parking lot with two detectives. He demands they follow him and he’ll take them right to the culprit of the heinous attacks carried out last week.
As they enter the arena, they bump into Kaientai. Taka Michinoku speaks frantically in Japanese, confusing both Vince and the detectives. Suddenly, a voice booms from above that pleads Kaientai’ s innocence, despite them being wholly and entirely EVIL (INDEED).
The Detectives scoff and walk away with Vince, querying where the bloody hell that English Translation voice came from.
Singles Match
WWF Championship Tournament – Round #1
Kurt Angle vs. Kane (w/ Paul Bearer)
» The Olympic hero started hard and fast with a series of German Suplexes that led to him screaming woo and celebrating early. What he didn’t expect was Kane to sit up as if it hadn’t affected him. The Big Red Machine nailed a series of Big Boots before winding up for the Chokeslam. Angle managed to escape to the outside.
» Kane followed him out and chased him around the ring, sliding in after him into stomps by Angle. The Olympic Hero applied the Ankle Lock and struggled to hold the big man down who made it to the ropes. He took down his straps, only for a gong to stop him. He panicked, looking for The Undertaker. This allowed Kane to nail the Chokeslam and pick up the three, advancing to the next round.
Winner and advancing: Kane
Ringside:
After a commercial break, The Rock’s music hits, and he comes out to tell us that he has his own suspects for the Championship attackers. He’s about to tell us who he suspects when Kaientai interrupt.
Taka Michinoku with special voice over guy tells The Rock that he doesn’t appreciate his accusation and that both he and Funaki are innocent. He thinks The Rock should look closer to home and asks where Rikishi is? Indeed, says Funaki.
The Rock tells the two roody poo candy asses to know their roles and shut their mouths. No-one thinks Kaientai put Shawn Michaels, D’lo Brown and Ken Shamrock on the shelf. These two yellow midgets could barely reach a shelf, let alone put those guys on it. Kaientai don’t like that and begin making their way to the ring. The Rock tells them to just bring it!
Singles Match
WWF Championship Tournament – Round #1
Taka Michinoku (w/ Funaki) vs. The Rock
» The Rock gets off to a hot start, taking the fight to Taka with right hands, putting a little spit on it when laying the smacketh down. He momentarily gets distracted by Funaki on the apron but knocks him off with a powerful Clothesline. Taka though took his opportunity to fight back, Low Blowing The Great one.
» A two count later and Michinoku looked for the Michinoku Driver, only The Great One slid out and dopped him with a huge Rock Bottom. He lined up for the People’s Elbow, only as he ran to the ropes, D’von Dudley nailed him with a steel chair whilst Bubba distracted the referee. Taka rolled The Great One up, picking up a surprise and shock victory.
Winner and advancing: Taka Michinoku
Backstage:
Vince McMahon has brought the Detectives to the locker room of Stone Cold Steve Austin. He tells them that Austin did it. He tried to murder Shawn Michaels. Stone Cold laughs it off and offers the detectives a beer.
They want to speak with him about the accusation levied by Vince McMahon and ask him to come to the station with them. Austin says he can’t as he’s got a match coming up against Bubba Ray Dudley in the WWF title tournament.
Officers then enter the room and arrest The Rattlesnake, much to the enjoyment of Vince McMahon who gloats that he won’t make it to his match tonight. Austin smirks, telling Vince to keep his beer on ice.
Singles Match
WWF Championship Tournament – Round #1
Jeff Jarrett (w/ Deborah) vs. The Undertaker
» Imagine strutting in front of the American Badass. That ended with a massive Big Boot to kick this one off. The Undertaker pummelled away at Jarrett as his wife looked on, taking him to Old School in the process. It looks like it might be curtains for Jeff – that’s until Deborah slides him his trusty guitar.
» The referee stops him from using it, but the distraction is enough for a Low Blow and a roll up, which when the referee turns around is count despite Jarrett holding the ropes. The referee fails to see it as Double J scores a cheeky victory over The Undertaker. As he plans to celebrate with his wife, the tron flickers, showing Stone Cold Steve Austin being arrested. Deborah runs to the back.
Winner and advancing: Jeff Jarrett
Backstage:
As Austin is being loaded into the back of a squad car, Deborah comes along having left Jeff Jarrett at ringside and tells them that Austin can’t have hurt Michaels.
The Rattlesnake grins – the cops not quite getting it. Dude Love appears and tells the cops that love is in the air and that Ol’ Stone Cold has been slipping Jeff Jarrett’s woman the old Rattlesnake.
The Dude says this just as Jeff Jarrett arrives in search of Deborah, who now enraged at the revelation, slams a guitar over the head of Dude Love and is immediately arrested for his troubles. The officers let Austin go as Deborah is left with her hands on her hips as her boyfriend is carted away by the police.
Singles Match
WWF Championship Tournament – Round #1
Bubba Ray Dudley (w/ D’von Dudley) vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin
» Stone Cold Steve Austin thundered to the ring, taking D’von Dudley out on the entrance ramp with a Clothesline that’d make JBL proud. He slid in and nailed a Lou Thez Press on Bubba, taking him to the canvas for some right hands that was followed by the shooter forearm drop.
» Bubba kicked out at two from the subsequent pinfall and when Austin went for the stunner, slid in behind for the Bubba Bomb. The Rattlesnake elbowed out of that and hit the ropes, ducking a Clothesline and coming back with a boot to the gut, followed by a stunner and the three count.
Winner and advancing: Stone Cold Steve Austin
Backstage:
Triple H is on the phone with Shawn Michaels’ wife, getting an update on his condition. The Game tells her that if she needs anything, to call him up. Chris Jericho then enters the room to cheers. Y2J says that he’d not push it past The Game to be behind this whole thing.
Hunter says he’s right, it’s possible, but wrong. Triple H says that if he’s involved in a master plan, you won’t see it coming until it’s too late. Jericho calls him a jackass and warns him that tonight, Triple H will see him coming when he moves onto the next round. Jericho leaves and HHH smirks.
Singles Match
WWF Championship Tournament – Round #1
Dude Love vs. Edge (w/ Christian)
» This match should’ve been two v one because that’s what it was. Dude was a little worse for wear after getting a guitar shot to the head but it’s nothing Foley hasn’t already had. Edge and Christian made the numbers count in the early, Christian distracting the referee so that Edge could use low blows and eye rakes to his advantage.
» The Dude eventually levelled Edge with a Clothesline and went after Christian, slamming him into the barricade. He assaulted him, slamming him into the steel steps for good measure. When he came back into the ring, he rolled right into a spear, allowing Edge to pick up the must assisted upset victory.
Winner and advancing: Edge
Backstage:
Kurt Angle storms into the office of a furious Vince McMahon, demanding a rematch because he was cheated by The Undertaker against Kane. Vince tells him he’s not in the mood for this and to leave, but the Olympic hero refuses.
Vince caves and says he can have a match at No Mercy. Angle seems delighted until McMahon reveals that actually, it’ll be one on one against The Undertaker. Kurt storms out of the office and right into Big Evil who violently attacks him, slamming him into a nearby set of trash cans.
Backstage:
Edge is celebrating with a hurt Christian backstage, excitedly walking through the halls as his brother hobbles behind. Suddenly, Christian is wiped out by a thunderous Big Boot that almost takes his head off.
By the time Edge turns around to wonder what happened, there’s only one person left standing: Kane. Edge panics as he’s grabbed to his feet by his throat. Paul Bearer arrives and warns him that next week, if Christian is able to make it to Smackdown, Kane will burn both of them alive. OHHHHH YESSSSS!
Singles Match
WWF Championship Tournament – Round #1
Y2J vs. Triple H
» Triple H and Chris Jericho methodically lock up and test each other out in the early going, The Game taking the advantage and working over Jericho’s lower back. He takes the brawl to the outside, slamming Y2J into the corner posts and barricades. If Jericho can’t bend, he can’t hit the Lionsault or put him in the Walls.
» Jericho though fights back, reversing an Irish Whip and sending The Game into the steel steps. He hits him with a Bulldog and rolls him back into the ring. Y2J heads into the ropes and leaps with a Lionsault, only his back gives out. The Game capitalises quickly, pulling Y2J up and dropping him with a thunderous Pedigree for the three count and win.
Winner and advancing: Triple H
Ringside:
After the match, Triple H stands tall having won and advanced to the next round. Glass suddenly shatters and out storms The Rattlesnake, making a b-line towards the ring. He slides in and goes face to face with The Game.
BOOM! Fire suddenly shoots from the turnbuckles, surrounding both Austin and Hunter, followed by the music of Kane. The Big Red Machine ambles out from the back and makes his way to the ring. A brawl immediately ensues with Austin and Triple H turning their attention to Kane and knocking him from the ring apron.
Kane pulls Austin to the outside and they start brawling.
Meanwhile, Triple H turns around to find Kaientai waiting. Taka nails him with a Michinoku Driver and Funaki puts him in a Chinlock. Taka hits the ropes and nails a baseball slide, dropping The Game.
Kaientai stand tall in the middle of the ring as Kane drops Stone Cold Steve Austin with a Chokeslam on the outside. He raises his arms, causing fire to explode from the turnbuckles as Kaientai cower.
Police Holding:
Jeff Jarrett sits miserably in a prison holding cell having been arrested for the assault with a guitar on Dude Love. He calls over an officer and demands his phone call, being told that he'll need to wait his turn. He calls the cop a slapnuts and warns him that Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna get the beatin' of a lifetime when he gets out of here.
Someone then shows up in the waiting room, talking with the officers at the front desk. Moments later, the same slapnuts cop walks over saying he's being bailed out. "By who?" Jarret asks.
And with that question lingering in the air and the cell door being unlocked, Smackdown goes off the air.