A man once was strolling through a garden. The path he walked was bordered by the the lushest greens he’d ever seen, unlike the rest of his world that surrounded this oasis.
For he built this garden, and this was his paradise.
The ground was fertile, and out of it grew the most spectacular crops man had ever seen. The strawberries, scrumptious. The flowers? Mellifluous. And the arugula? To die for!
But this man wasn’t here for any of those.
No, he ventured deep into the garden to find what he considered the forbidden fruit, and after a long, hard trek he finally came upon it.
There before him was three shiny, perfectly full-grown cucumbers: but which one would he pick?
He felt the first one, but it was too small.
The second one? Not quite shiny enough.
He set his eyes on the third, and picked the biggest, shiniest cuke he could dream of.
Where have all your beautiful crops gone, Aarman?
You built a garden which once flourished. Lush with the most beautiful citizens Arcadia could provide. You tended to them, nurtured them to become the apples of your eye, and just the same as you conceived ways to enjoy, and even devour them, they too found joy in your caretaking.
But now a plague has overcome your garden. The inhabitants of Eden have been poisoned, and the fruit of your labor can no longer be yielded. Like a natural disaster, Nergal has turned your paradise into a wasteland, leaving a hole in your heart in the process.
With no crops to tend, and no fruit to devour, you’re left longing for purpose in this new unfamiliar, barren world of yours.
You’re left longing for a taste of what truly has become your forbidden fruit.
But fear not, Fidel. I have a solution to your problems.
I cannot fix what Nergal has done to Eden, but what I can do is offer you my services. And I won’t even charge you for the remedy I have planned for you, because I know the look of joy on your face will be payment enough.
I see that you’re a romantic, so I’ll leave some chocolate strawberries out for you when you visit my office. And flowers, of course, will be sitting in a vase on my desk right next to them. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
And if you’re not satisfied with just that, which based on your appetite, let’s face it, I know you won’t be, then I have my biggest surprise for you yet.
I’m a bit of a nurturer and a cultivator myself, and oh have I been crowing just the crop for you.
No, it’s not arugula.
It’s a big, shiny cucumber.
And since you love pegging so much, I’m going to shove that cuke up your ass, forcing your sorrow out of you exactly how locusts willingly fly out of Nergal until all that’s left is pure joy.
I’m your doctor at Thunder, and it’s time to fill that hole in your heart.
Now take a deep breath, and close your eyes…
See you on the other side, Aarman.