An order of knights have stormed the gates.
A rival kingdom seeks to undermine the crown.
They claim my brand new golden snake belongs to them.
Their culture is not all that different from ours.
They have a set of values not entirely unlike our own.
They stand against some of the very things this castle stands against.
But we are not merely a Kingdom of colorful fauna who fight for what’s right.
For though we fight for the good, this castle also stands…
As a refuge for the good.
We are the last bastion against moral and civil degeneracy.
We are that shiny beacon on the hill for decency, decorum, abstinence education, and censorship.
When Arcadia attempted to uprise against its ultimate authority, this castle still stood.
When moral degeneracy and corruption further slithered its way into the hearts of so many Arcadians, this castle still stood.
When Roger from accounting showed up drunk to work and got handsy with Ms. Valerie Perrywinkle, this castle still stood.
This castle will always stand.
Before any foreign invasions from rival kingdoms
And long after.
Just as my gold snake will remain ever tight in my firm, eternal grasp.
And why is that?
It’s the stones.
The endless multitude of stones that were used to make this castle.
For they are the foundation of this castle, as well as the heart of it.
They are the people, the stories.
It’s when Mr. Kleen fires another janitorial staff member for not being diligent.
It’s when Big Stu and Tucker have arm wrestling contests on Pimento Cheese Sandwich Tuesdays.
It’s when Miss Valerie Perrywinkle brings me a new, urgent report.
It’s when we recruit a foreign agent for a more worthy cause than the one he fights for.
It’s when we win the Tag Team Titles, and defend them.
The stones that have formed the foundations of this castle, its bulwarks and bastions and towers, are fashioned not merely from the hardest minerals in all of Arcadia.
They are formed from friendship, camaraderie, reliability, loyalty, and a common cause.
Those core materials have created a castle dense enough to weather the claws of a bear and the talons of a falcon.
Those core materials have fashioned a fortress strong enough to break a shark’s teeth.
Those core materials have erected a tower that can not only hold a venomous snake, but weaponize it against degenerates.
You would know this, o’ kingdom of invading pestilences…
If you were only to ponder the stones.
But you will not.
You act with the swiftness of a falcon, charge like a headstrong bear, show all those sharp, shark teeth, drip with a python’s venom, and a panther’s intimidating growl.
But had you stopped just for a moment, betrayed your animal instincts, and truly pondered the stones that built this very place, you’d have realized one, simple truth.
With or without my golden snake, this castle stands.
…But without my golden snake, your kingdom crumbles.
You just don’t have the stones to withstand such a loss.
You just don’t have the stones to weather the ACA.