What tha fuck?!
A buzzin’ fills my ears. Actually, my whole head. The cybernetic implants that run down my neck and chest begin vibratin’ and produce a ringin’ sound that fills up the whole damn room I’m in. I can’t breathe and then everything goes black. When I come to I see an serene field, deer and birds and shit. There is a stranger from a strange land laying crumpled up in a dang pile. I feel like I know this stranger, like there is some kind of fuzzy memory tied there, the way I feel after wakin’ up after blackin’ out from too many mudweisers.
Yeah, so I beat Bart Finkle… hooray for me, I guess? No seriously, I’m happy to redeem myself, but this ain’t the time to start poppin’ tops and goin’ to the races. A damn satanic cult showed up and pissed all over my dang parade. Shit, after watchin’ them damn near sacrifice my boy Raven, Bart and I got booted by a couple of henchmen and powerbombed off the stage when we tried to intervene and save Raven. Not cool.
But enough of that, I ain’t done with those creepy bastards, in fact, I owe em one or two. Until then though, I’m squarin’ off against Master Ken this upcomin’ NXT Level. Now, Ken, I’ve been known to do some Kung Fu fightin’ here and there. We used to call it Swampjitsu back in the day.
Now, Master Ken, you’re a real impressive dude. You’ve got your own dojo, you’ve got your students. You’ve got that karate chop shit down pat… but you ain’t got what I got, you ain’t got that Creek Water runnin’ through your veins. You also ain’t got these cybernetic implants, which, if I’m being honest… I can’t quite tell you what they do yet, but they look cool as hell.
I know you are lookin’ to score a victory after a bit of a losin’ streak… it’s a damn shame you got matched up with me. All I gots to say is, sorry about your luck, dawg.
So the truth is, Master Kenny, I got no reason to feel any sorta way toward you. Thing is though, I’m here to drink mudweisers, kick ass and take names and I’m not bringin’ no mudweisers with me to the ring. So if you want some with this Ol’ Boy from Down the Road, the Cybernetic Creek Water King, come get it. Wish you would, big buddy. Just give me a reason. I don’t just want a piece of the pie. I want the whole damn thing.
It is what is until it ain’t.
And just like that, holy shit the buzzin’ kicks in. He’s here in Arcadia. The stranger from the strange land. He screams out a feral scream, terror and confusion all wrapped in one. Kinda like I felt wakin’ up in my dang canoe after I was abducted. I understand this man, dawg. He and I are the same.