In Promo by Pyre

We all know him:

The guy who never grew up.

For me, it was this guy named Kyle. When we were younger, Kyle had it all figured out. He had his crew, his board, all the smoke he could handle, and some piddling job slaving away for someone else. He fucked his way through all the impressionable girls (and boys) he could find, because he was what they all really wanted to be.

Free… I guess.

When we finished high school, most of us got real jobs. We had to move past that part of our lives, and become something more. The problem with Kyle is that he just… didn’t.

He kept fucking those same clueless kids, kept skating at the same park with the same crew, smoking the same shit he always had. He never became anything more than a wage slave for better people.

A bitch.

At some point, it stopped being cool and just became… sad.

No matter who Kyle could have been, he was happy and content just being a loser riding the coattails of others.

I wonder if Kyle knows Tag, cause they followed the same damn playbook.

I’ll bet Tag was the goddamned man when he was a teenager. He had Jet Set Radio at his side, a whole skate park he could rule, and you know Wiz brought the smoke. And if you didn’t know how much ass he gets, he’ll tell you.

A real icon to the impressionable, you know?

But all that freedom don’t mean shit when you gotta answer that call from Simon Black, the one that makes you his bitch.

While everyone else around him was becoming something more than that, Tag was happier than a pig in shit to keep on skating, sexing, and smoking. He’d do whatever Simon needed, then go back to his blissful ignorance.

And just like Kyle, it’s not cool anymore.

Tag’s got all the tools. The looks, the brains, the brawn. He could be the fucking man around here. But just like Kyle, he’s happy and content being just another rider on the Blackheart train.

And on that train, he’s got to look up to the conductor and see someone that used to be just like him.

Her name was Pam Hart, but she did what Tag could never do.

She grew up.

Into a bad bitch. The baddest, as a matter of fact.

What Tag and Kyle never realized is that growing up is where the true freedom lays. Because you may pick up some extra responsibilities but that true freedom comes from not having to do a goddamned thing anyone else tells you.

I don’t fuck the impressionable anymore, I fuck real goddamned men who know what the fuck they’re doing.

I work for no one. In fact, I call the fucking shots.

So I’ma call Wiz to roll me one up. I’ll smoke it in effigy to Tag and the stunted manchild he is.

He could have had it all. But instead, he chose to be a bitch.

My bitch!