Lionel Troy sits within the Vestry of the first Church of Zion. His feet rest upon a wooden desk alongside two canisters: One labelled Lion Tamer; the other Eternity.
“Praise be, indeed…”
Lionel picks up both cannisters and studies them closely.
“By the grace of Nox, I have acquired the tonics of liberation and submission that will claim the troubled souls of my flock with promises of everlastin’ joy.”
“With these in my possession, those trustin’ fools will cling to my every word with newfound faith – blissfully unaware of the power I have to combine their devotion.”
Troy reclines back in his chair with a perverse snicker and seemingly begins to recite his next sermonic address.
“Behold, the tools of deliverance! These wondrous elixirs, crafted by the hands of the Almighty Himself, hold within them the power to purify our spirits and elevate us to new heights of enlightenment!”
“Don’t let yourselves be fooled by charlatans such as Mr Kleen whose feeble efforts at purification pale before the grandeur of Zion’s children!”
Lionel holds the first cannister up in front of him.
“Lion Tamer, my brethren, is the key to unlocking the chains that bind us to our earthly desires! With a breath of its potent essence, we shall quell the tempest of doubt and fear that rages within our hearts, emergin’ as warriors of faith – unyieldin’ in our devotion to Zion!”
Troy holds up the second cannister.
“Eternity – the promised land of our dreams! Within its ethereal embrace lies the promise of eternal bliss; a sanctuary where pain and suffering are but distant memories! With each inhalation of its intoxicatin’ fragrance, we shall be transported to the celestial realms of Zion – our minds soarin’ amidst the heavens themselves!”
With that, the Lion of Zion stands and begins to pace the room.
“Now, my dear brothers and sisters, let us contrast the noble goals of our mission with the feckless attempts of Mr Kleen! While he may fancy himself a detergent of filth and corruption, his methods are crude and unsophisticated, lackin’ the divine grace and elegance of our own!”
“Armed with nothing more than a mop and a misguided sense of duty, he seeks to rid the world of dirt and grime, oblivious to the source of the sufferin’! But unlike Mr Kleen, we do not seek to merely scrub away the surface stains of sin, but to purify the very essence of our being!”
“With Lion Tamer and Eternity as our allies, believers, we shall not only cleanse our bodies but our minds and souls as well – emergin’ as Arcadia’s true stain removers that Zion intended us to be!”
A toothy grin appears on the face of Reverend Troy as he leans back and holds both cannisters up to the heavens.
“Together as one, we shall purge the world of sin and corruption, usherin’ in a new era of enlightenment and righteousness, for in the end it is not the strength of our hands that shall carry us to victory, but the purity of our hearts and the steadfastness of our faith!”
Lionel drops to his knees, laughing manically.
“AND AMEN TO THAT!”
Cut.