“Take it from me, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.”
“Just recently I went to a buffet with my Jet Set buddies. It served all of my favorite foods from my childhood; roast beef, pizza, nachos, fuck, just about everything I loved.”
“Without hesitation, I ordered Tag and Wiz to grab one of everything they served and carried it all to my table. After they did that, I began to chow down.”
“At first, it tasted great. I loved feeling like a kid again and eating all those snacks and meals that I adored.”
“But as I kept eating and got fuller, I started liking it less and less. What felt like an amazing start to a race began to feel like an obstacle course I couldn’t complete.”
“Despite feeling this way, my friends kept bringing me more food for me to gorge on. I didn’t want to disappoint them, so I kept shoving what they brought me down my throat until it felt like I had no more room left in my stomach.”
“I felt like I was gonna die. I didn’t want to eat anymore, but the food kept coming and I couldn’t say no.”
“You’ve been treating your time in OSW the same way, Eighties Guys. You two have spent your whole career, no, your whole lives consuming stuff from a bygone decade.”
“Hell, you’re still doing it! You’re stuffing your faces with eighties media like your lives depend on it. It’s all you two are and it’s all you two have ever been.”
“Worse yet, you’ve been shoving it everyone else’s throats too. We get it, you love that decade, but do you have to make us suffer too?”
“Seeing a living embodiment of the eighties culture was charming at first, but now everyone just wants you to go away. Us Jet Setters included. You were so busy consuming the eighties that the eighties consumed you.”
“Despite being pleaded to change things up, you two don’t know when to stop consuming eighties memorabilia and back away from the table. As hungry of a girl as I am, even I know when to put down the fork and stop gorging myself.”
“But you two are so dedicated to the eighties that you won’t even step away from the table. When stuff from forty years ago shows up on your plate, you keep consuming it like you never had it since your childhoods.”
“Since you two can’t control yourselves, you’re going to learn the hard way that you should’ve just said no.”
“We’re going to teach you that you should’ve stopped consuming eighties shit by beating it out of you in the middle of that ring. We’re gonna pummel you, knock you around all four corners until that mindless consuming you did finally comes back to haunt you.”
“And it will when you vomit all over the ring.”
“The world has gotten sick of you both, so fuck the eighties and fuck you too!”