In Promo by Vigour

Everyone born into this world is born innocent. Everyone born into this universe, even. A little bundle of fucking joy in a world full of unimaginable terror. In a universe where They can choose to slaughter untold amounts of people.

As a child you keep that innocence, and that sense of unbridled optimism in the world. You learn about the world around you as if it’s full of fucking rainbows and unicorns. Mountains of ice cream that you climb to the peak of to shape your future. That optimism and innocence is fucking brilliant for a while, but not for too long, because all that happens is you lose track of the real world.

And so you grow. You go on a journey of figuring out your shit, also known as adolescence. You stumble through your teenage years thinking you know the world and it’s intricacies, but you know fuck all. You know how to score an ounce and down a beer, you know the latest trends and memes, and you know which of your friends are fucking when they think nobody knows.

But although it’s a clusterfuck of a time to be alive, it’s important because your teen years are fundamental to who you become as an adult, when you settle down. And if you never cross that step into adulthood, that’s when you become the kind of person who still collects fucking Yu-Gi-Oh cards in your forties. And nobody wants to fucking see that.

When I first met you, TGK, you were that innocent little kid who was still learning about the world around him. Me and Starboy took you under our wings because you were ripe for being taken advantage of, and that didn’t seem fair. We kept you alive, we taught you that there are bad people in this world, and you started to talk your own path. Starboy dying took you into that clusterfuck adolescence. It made you angry. It turned you bitter. I don’t recognise the TGK in front of me as the same kid I met all those months ago. You think you know what you are doing, and that this vengeful TGK will make up for losing Starboy, but it just won’t.

You’re the teenage Groot not giving a shit about anything. Well, Kid, I can be the Rocket Raccoon father figure as much as I want but like I said – adolescence is figuring your shit out, and I need you to step the fuck up and figure it the fuck out. I need you to understand that as sad as it is, Starboy is fucking dead. I need you Kid, to move through your fucking shitshow as The Generation Teen, and into a long and happy life as The Generation Man.

So sell those Yu-Gi-Oh cards, TGK, before you get too old, and get ready to grow the fuck up, because shit is about to get fucking crazy, and I need you at your best.

So let’s do it now and do it loud!