In Promo by Chip Montana

Hello everyone! I’m Chip Montana! And I’m grabbing nature…




And I’d like you to zoom in with me here and take a look at these little buggers! You’ve probably seen them your whole life. Tiny little bastard in a great big universe, yet through faith in a higher cause they are able to, at times, perform miraculous feats just to keep their queen alive.

But look closely at this hill, mate. The usual bustling and hustling activity you’ve come to know from observing ant hills? It’s all but gone. That’s because unfortunately, their poor queen is dead.

You see, their queen created them and gave them a purpose, a reason to toil and a reason to live. But now that she’s dead, it’s all gone to Hell. Hasn’t it? Almost no one is left.

But oi! Look there! Three ants are travelling together, carrying a dead roach on their backs! For most bugs their size, the weight of that roach would crush them. But these ants can carry one hundred times their own weight!

They are the last stragglers of a dead colony. A colony whose queen died, and their purpose died with her. But these three ants are continuing to live as though she’s alive. Surely it’s not naivety. Surely they know their queen has died.

So what is it then? What explains their bizarre behavior?

Well, ants have a hive mind. They tend to think and act as one, surrending their individual identity to become the community. But when the queen dies, the community dies. And since the ant is the community, the ant dies as well.

These three live in denial.

Oi! They’ve discovered me! One of them is approaching me foot. He looks like he– OW! That little bugger just bit me!

Well fuck him. I’ve stomped him out with me willy. Gave him the old willy slap. You see you little fucker? Your queen is dead, but I’m very much alive. And now you’re dead, because you wanted to live as though your queen was still alive, and you’ve attacked a man with a cock and balls far more than a hundred times heavier than you.

I’m not afraid to face this Godless world, cock in hand, letting my balls do the driving. But you? You little fucker, you have no idea what that is like, do ya? Now look at you. A dead coward.

Because only a coward would live in denial when the world has changed. Adapt or die, mate. And unfortunately, you couldn’t adapt to when death cock slapped your queen anymore than you could adapt to Chip Montana cock slapping you to death. And now your two little friends seem frenzied, unsure. Perhaps, they’ll come to see me as their King. Wouldn’t that be something? They are cowards, just like you, but you were guiding them weren’t you, little guy? Well, maybe it’s time they follow someone brave. Maybe it’s time for them to believe in something that’s real.