Baby Bird

In Promo, Tucker Goode by Tucker Goode

Behold, a bird.

A baby bird.

Nothing more than a mere child, the young bird exists for the simple purpose of sleeping in the nest and awaiting the protection of its mama bird and its daddy bird. Just like with any good, upstanding couple in Arcadia, a mama bird and a daddy bird work in tandem to feed, nurture, and teach their baby.

But what about those poor, hapless baby birdies that don’t get a mother and a father? What happens when you only grow up with a singular parent in your nest?

For the bird, it simply means they are unable to learn how to survive. They grow up reliant on their mama, unable to take flight because they’re too weak, too malnourished.

What you are fed, what you are taught, is exactly what you become. A bird fed of seeds and bread is never as strong as one fed worms and berries.

Felix, despite your advanced age, you never learned how to be anything but Mrs. Foley’s baby bird, did you?

And how could you? You were brought up wrong, incorrectly. Without a father figure to teach you to hunt you could only rely on your mother to teach you to sit comfortably in the nest.

Without a father figure, your perversion of the Arcadian Family turned you weak willed and crazy. You were fed nothing but malnourishing vomit out of your mother’s mouth, given a disgustingly oedipal kiss that did nothing more than cause you to be dependent on her.

After you leaped from the nest, woefully unprepared, you landed in the hands of Doom.

And Doom is in no way fit to be your father figure, Felix. He looks at you with contempt, he does not care to educate you like your own father never did, nor does he wish to wed your poor mother and give you the family you don’t have.

He’s simply another beak you can be dependent on, acting not as a father but as a perversion of the mother who feeds you backwards ideologies and stuffs you full of his sinful, disgusting beliefs.

As a man married to a wonderful woman, I see you and I want to shed a tear! You could have had such a wonderful life had you only been given a family who cared and both a mother and father that could give you both halves of a whole family.

Instead, you’re a weak, uneducated, and fearful little baby bird clinging to the nest. Never able to jump from the top and take flight on his own.

You could take the leap, land in the caring, nurturing hands of the ACA.

But I know you’ll never do that.

Because you’re too cowardly to take the jump.

Worry not, for Sebastian and I plan to use you as a teaching moment for Arcadia.

We shall snatch the tag titles from your weak hands.

End your perverted, dependent relationship.

And we shall do it, Felix.

For the greater Goode.