Dirty Work

In Promo, Stubbins Doom by DOOM

[In the middle of the Mortuary, Doom stands alongside Johnny Gomez.]

[DOOM] “People are going to start talking about us.”

[Johnny Gomez] “How so?”

[DOOM] “We’ve been spending quite some time together lately.”

[Johnny shrugs.]

[Johnny Gomez] “You asked me here, Doc.”

[Doom grunts.]

[Johnny Gomez] “Speaking of… why are we here?”

[DOOM] “Tombstone is a busy man, Jonathan. He must spend all manner of hours ‘sending people on their way’. That must be exhausting. Yet that isn’t the only duty he has. He must dig graves, too.

[Doom picks up a shovel.]

[DOOM] “Do you know how long it takes to dig a six foot grave in hardened soil, Jonathan? It’s no mean feat. Tombstone must slave away in the dirty and disgusting ground, for hours upon hours, just to put the body of someone he ferried into it.”

[He shrugs.]

[DOOM] “That’s not an effective system, is it?”

[Johnny Gomez] “Not when he has to wrestle matches like your fatal four way at Anarchy Rulez.”


[Johnny Gomez] “So, do you think he has plots set out for you, Dr. Death and Felix Foley?”

[DOOM] “Hah.”

[Johnny Gomez] “That’s a no then?”

[DOOM] “That’s why we’re here, Jonathan. See, I don’t want Tombstone to have any excuses for my beating of him at Anarchy Rulez. The last thing I wish to hear trotted out like a marquee is that he was tired from all the ‘hard work’ he’s had to do for Igor Mortis, that slave driver.”

[Johnny Gomez] “That’s… considerate… of you?”

[Doom nods.]

[DOOM] “What can I say? Felix tells me I’m one helluva guy. Now, Tombstone is almost certainly going to want to put myself, Felix and that so called Doctor in the ground at Anarchy Rulez. That’s a tremendous quantity of effort before defending his OSW World Heavyweight Championship. If he was an intellectual man of any significant intelligence, he would forgo the brutal narcissistic murder of myself and Felix and focus on the man who held him hostage.”

[Johnny Gomez] “Dr. Death?”

[DOOM] “Doctor? Hah. Funny, Jonathan. What we’re here to do is make life easier for the World Champion.”

[Johnny Gomez] “That sounds a little like you’re trying to get in his good books, Doctor.”

[DOOM] “Imaginative of you. I’m just limiting his excuses. If I dig him three graves right here in the Mortuary, he’ll come to Anarchy Rulez as fresh as a daisy and have no recourse for excuses when I take his Championship.”

[Johnny Gomez] “So no rematch then?”

[DOOM] “Preferably not.”

[Johnny Gomez] “So let me get this straight… you’re going to dig three graves for Tombstone so that he doesn’t have to do it himself ahead of your Pay Per View Match. You’re doing this so that he can’t blame fatigue when you beat him?”

[Doom nods.]

[Johnny Gomez] “Does it matter what he claims?”

[DOOM] “Okay, you caught me. You’re a clever devil, aren’t you? I’m making a point.”

[Johnny Gomez] “And what point is that?”

[DOOM] “That I’m the smartest man in Arcadia, of course.”

[Johnny Gomez] “I don’t understand…

[Doom thrusts the shovel into Johnny’s hands.]

[DOOM] “Dig.”

[Johnny Gomez] “But wait…”

[DOOM] “See, if Tombstone was a wise man, he’d know that hard work is light work in the hands of a subordinate.”

[DOOM] “And much like you here today… I have Felix Foley to do my dirty work at Anarchy Rulez.”