BANG.
A shaggy haired, little Sebastian opens his eyes to a dark bedroom, startled.
Slow walk, it’s land mine
It’s coal mine, it’s a bad thought
“Shut up you bitch!”
“FUCK you Howard!”
BANG.
Mom and Dad. Fighting again.
On the way to God don’t know
My brain’s the burger, and my heart’s the coal
Sebastian sleeps at his desk at school.
Teacher walks by, flicks him on the ear. Sebastian sits up. Dark rings around his eyes.
He brushes his hair out of his face.
I’m trying to get my head clear
I push things out through my mouth, I get refilled through my ears
I get refilled through my ears
I get refilled through my ears
Sebastian walks in from school, his father sits on a recliner, empty and crushed beer cans litter the room.
His mother cries in a nearby room.
I’m on my way to God don’t know or even care
My brain’s the weak heart, and my heart’s the long stairs
My heart’s the long stairs, my heart’s the long stairs
Sebastian snaps awake. His mother screams.
He runs out of the room.
His father’s fists. His mother’s face.
He jumps on his father’s back.
Inland from Vancouver shore
The ravens and the seagulls push each other inward and outward
Howard thrashes around.
Little Sebastian hangs on for dear life.
His father throws him into the wall.
Inward and outward
Older now, a shaggy haired, teenaged Sebastian watches his mother leave, bags packed.
In this place that I call home
My brain’s the cliff, and my heart’s the bitter buffalo
My heart’s the bitter buffalo
Sebastian sits at the table.
“Son, I’ve lost my job.”
“And my mom,” Sebastian replies.
His father nods. Drinks his beer.
We tore one down, and erected another there
The match of the century, absence versus thin air
On the way to God don’t know
My brain’s the burger, and my heart’s the coal
Sebastian graduates high school, walks across the stage in his cap and gown.
He looks out into the crowd.
Two empty seats.
Of course.
On this life that we call home
The years go fast and the days go so slow
The days go so slow, the days go slow
Father drinks.
Sebastian walks in. Walks out. Walks in. Walks out. Walks in. Walks out.
Father drinks.
Nothing changes.
On the way to God don’t know
My brain’s the burger, and my heart’s the coal
I’m tried getting my head clear
I push things out through my mouth, I get refilled through my ears
I get refilled through my ears, I get refilled through my ears
Sebastian awakens. Hears his father weeping.
Walks in the bedroom. His father holds a gun to his own head.
“I’m gonna fucking do it. I’m gonna take my own, miserable, worthless life. Don’t try to talk me out of it.”
I’m on my way to God don’t know or even care
My brain’s the weak heart and my heart’s the long stairs
My heart’s the long stairs, my heart’s the long stairs
“You should do it,” Sebastian replies. “You lost your job. You lost your family. You’re a pathetic excuse for a man. Your life is miserable. Your life is worthless.
“Do it, Howard. Do Arcadia a favor.”
Inland from Vancouver shore,
the ravens and the seagulls push each other inward and outward
Inward and outward
“Fuck you, boy. You’re just like me. You just don’t know it yet.” His father says through tears.
Sebastian sneers.
“I will make absolutely sure I end up nothing like you.”
In this place that I call home
My brain’s the cliff, and my heart’s the bitter buffalo
My heart’s the bitter buffalo
Sebastian walks out of the house.
Hears the sound of a gunshot, muffled behind him.
He grins.
We tore one down, and erected another there
The match of the century, absence versus thin air
Absence versus thin air
Sebastian takes a deep breath. Brushes his hair out of his face.
Perhaps it’s time for a haircut.
On this life that we call home
The years go fast and the days go so slow
The days go so slow