Lunch Money

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“School bullies are some assholes, right?”

“See, when I was a kid, my mom didn’t have a lot of cash for a long while. We were out there scrounging pennies, she was doing three jobs, and I was going to bed without dinner for a while.”

“So in school, I did what I had to do to eat.”

“I was hungry.”

“There was this scrawny, fresh faced kid with rich parents who came to school with a fat stack of cash every day.”

“Waving it around, flaunting it like a trophy. He was eating the good shit at lunch. I’m talking pizza and chicken sandwiches.”

“And me? I was left with a growling stomach that just wouldn’t shut up.”

“So I did something about it.”

“Every single day I’d hunt that kid down and make him hand over that lunch money.”

“If he said no? That wouldn’t stop me. I’d slam him into lockers, shove his face into the toilet, and bully his ass until he opened up the wallet and gave me what I wanted.”

“Because sure, he could cry and fight back all he wanted, but at the end of the day?”

“I was eating good.”

“And god damn, nothing tastes better than a mouthful of fries when you ain’t eaten since yesterday.”

“See, TGK, you’re just like that scrawny little twink with a wallet full of those sweet fun coupons I can use to fill my stomach.”

“Only now? I ain’t a handful of ones, it’s a big red championship hanging off of your shoulder.”

“See, I’ve been going for you all month because OSW is one big school yard and I’ve been starving since I got here, man. Like, Ether’s bottomless, but she ain’t got nothing on me right now.”

“And ain’t nothing gonna stop me from stuffing my face.”

“That championship you got is my meal ticket, man.”

“And even with Zero playing big brother to you I ain’t gonna stop until I got it in my hands.”

“Let him get in my way and I’ll do the same thing to him that I’ve done to you. Truck fuck both of you with my board and spit on you while you’re down.”

“See, wanna know what happened to the kid who I bullied in school?”

“You’d hope it has a happy ending, right? He fought back, I stopped fucking with him?”


“I kicked his ass every single day, took his cash, and I ate.”

“I didn’t stop chasing him down until he switched schools.”

“And after that? I found a new kid to fuck up.”

“Because no one’s gonna stop me from eating when I’m hungry, kid.”

“When we get in that ring you ain’t gonna be able to run from me. I’m going to pull your underwear over your head, punch you in the kidneys, and yank that strap right off your waist like it’s money outta your pocket.”

“Hand over your lunch money, nerd.”

“Then put your head between my legs and kiss your belt goodbye.”