[Doom stands in the middle of the ring, surrounded by the scores of Arcadian fans.]
[Doom] This coming week at Bottom Line, your Olympic Hero must defend the honor of The Pool Boys in a match with Nobody.
[Doom] That’s right, freakin’ Nobody.
[Doom] How the heck is your Olympic Hero supposed to fight Nobody? Am I supposed to stand opposite an invisible man, is that it? Last week, Harold Attano stood in the middle of this ring and watched as the Pool Boys were unfairly assaulted by those no good Uprising thugs.
[Doom] They beat the unholy heck out of myself and Felix. Blaze is still picking electrical equipment out of his freakin’ buttocks, for cripes sake. He could’ve suffered a broken back, Attano. Do you have any remorse? Any sympathy? Blaze could’ve died. He could’ve died, gosh darnit!
[Doom is serious, somehow. He believes it.]
[Doom] And now I’m supposed to wrestle Nobody? I can see that, that’s for darn sure.
[Doom] You stood in the middle of this ring and watched, Harold. Just like a nobody. You watched as poor Blaze was attacked by that no good Victor Doom – where did he come from, by the way? I have absolutely no idea. Just one week prior to that, it was us three who came to save your butt! When The Uprising had you penned into a corner, who was it that came to save the day? It definitely wasn’t nobody!
[Doom] You couldn’t even return the favor, could you bucko?
[Doom] Well, listen here, pal. You listen up and you listen well. Doom lives by a very important motto he calls the three I’s. Intensity, integrity, and intelligence. None of which you’ve shown yourself capable of. Where was your intensity whilst we were being viciously attacked? Where was your integrity, knowing that you allowed that to happen whilst we previously saved your bacon? And where was your intelligence because all you’ve done now is make me angry!
[Doom] And you won’t like me when I’m angry, Attano.
[Doom] That wasn’t very freakin’ smart, was it? You want to be a nobody, don’t you? You want to be nothing and no-one. I get it. But due to your lack of foresight and intelligence, all you’ve actually done is put yourself at the top of my butt-beating list.
[Doom] This coming week, I’ll help you fade away into the obscurity you deserve. I’ll help you remain nothing and nobody. I’ll take any semblance of presence you have when I snap your ankle in two, bucko!
[Doom] Get ready, Harold. Get ready for the beating of a lifetime. I’ll beat you right in the middle of this ring. I’ll beat you with one hand. I’ll beat you with both hands. I’ll beat you until you’re nothing but a puddle on the canvas!
[The fans laugh, which confuses Doom.]
[Doom] I’ll beat you because I’m not nobody.
[Doom] It’s true…. it’s damn true!