Ruthless Aggression

In Jackson Cade, Promo by Jackson Cade

Jackson Cade walks around the ring, microphone to his mouth. As the crowd cheers he begins to talk, slowly getting them to quiet down.

“Yo… yo… yo.”

Once the crowd calms down he looks out to them, looking almost offended.

“At Bottom Line I gotta lay down the Law with some of my ruthless aggression. I just don’t know why management put me up against Luther, I got a couple questions.”

“Because I’m agent Cade, former world champ, the dude that took down Redgrave. But now they decided that I’m better off whoopin’ some homeless dude who don’t know how to shave?”

“See, maybe Zeus is mad at me, I’m just tryin’ to make this click! Why else would I be goin’ one on one with the dude whose whole family was gaggin’ on his dick?”

“Or maybe he’s mad at you, you lost that title and now he’s pissed? There’s plenty of reasons to call you stupid, but I guess we’ll just add that to the list.”

“What happened, man? Did you roll over for him but forget how to shake? Because going against me won’t get you no trophy, but you’ll get my boot print on your ass as a nice lil keepsake.”

“Now Luther, I ain’t animal control, but this choice was well advised. If they really want you punished then I guess one of Zeus’s lapdogs is about to get euthanized.”

“Shocking, I know, the police man killing a dog? That’s police brutality! But once I put you down that’ll singlehandedly lower the rate of Arcadian’s performing bestiality.”

“What, that a little too gross for you, should my rhymes be cleaner? I’d try my best but it’s hard not to be dirty towards a dude who’s face looks like it just got a Cleveland steamer.”

“But you know what, I got a little off track, let me get restarted. Luther Grim versus Jackson Cade in a fight pit? Bro that’s totally retarded!”

“We see you stalkin’ around Olympus, people are scared you’ll be waitin’ outside their houses. I can’t blame them, those crazy eyes say you peep on women when they’re takin’ off their blouses.”

“Now I get to teach you a lesson, next week’s card says Cade versus Luther but I’ll have a word with the editor. Pretty soon Arcadia is gonna see a new tag line. ‘Jackson Cade catches a predator.'”

“I ain’t soft on crime, Luther, this beatdown is gonna be heinous. I just hope the crowd shuts their eyes when my foot goes down your throat and ends up poppin’ outta your anus.”

“Even if you could beat me, you wouldn’t be able to put a trophy on your walls. You’d need two houses to show me off. One for each of my balls.”

“The Law is comin’ to Bottom Line and you best be scared, sucka. Because if you think you’re above me? Then you’re a stupid mother-“

Cade holds the mic to the crowd as they shout back in unison. “FUCKA!”