No Chance

In Lionel Troy, Promo by Lionel Troy

[The Church of Zion]

Patrons have gathered inside the nave of their hallowed sanctuary.

However, the usual positive energy which traditionally exudes from every pillar and post is seemingly absent today. There is unrest amongst the populace, characterised in part by the wounded complexions of the victims that bare injuries at the hands of Destructo Boy’s Kingdomblade.

As the anxieties grow, the tall double doors to the church swing open, suddenly and without warning, filling the room with a radiant light. Lionel Troy steps through the illuminations, powerwalking with a swagger and purpose that causes the flock to part like the Red Sea.

Zion’s Childs stands surrounded by his followers with a confidence befitting of his authority-like air.

“I’m happy to report to you tonight, ladies and gentlemen, that at Bottom Line, Old School Wrestling, in the name of Zion, will WIPE the Uprising off the face of this earth!”

The atmosphere in the room immediately shifts as the congregation let out a huge sigh of relief.

“And with it the GROTESQUE heathen that leads them – Narcissa Balenciaga!”

The congregation collectively roar in approval, turning and embracing one another.

“Since its inception a few short months ago, this formation of criminals and delinquents has threatened to cast its HEINOUS shadow over our lives.”

“This Uprising has SINGLE-HANDEDLY sought to plant the roots of evil into heavenly soil and corrupt the very fabric of our society.”

“With it, they have whispered promises of power, pleasure, and prosperity, but make no mistake about it, their words are nothing more than a treacherous trap laid by the forces of darkness to lure EACH AND EVERY one of you away from the grace and salvation of Zion!”

The congregation gasp in horror.

“As we stand witness to the turmoil and chaos inflicted by this UNSCRUPULOUS alliance, let us not be blind to the spiritual battle that rages on.”

“By exhibiting the detrimental qualities of greed, revulsion, and disregard for the SANCTITY of life, our eyes are opened and we see the Uprising for what they truly are…”

“A force that seeks to divide us, but to that I say: NO! CHANCE! IN! HELLLLLLLL!

The patrons burst into rapturous applause and begin chanting in unison.


“And so, ladies and gentlemen, now is the time for us to stand firm in our faith. We must not be passive spectators but active warriors, clad in the armour of RIGHTEOUSNESS!


“We must arm ourselves with the sword of TRUTH!


“The Word of ZION!


“And we must cut through the LIES that shroud this Uprising – once and for all!”

Lionel Troy slides his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose, peering over the tops.

“Be safe in the knowledge the Lord is our shepherd, guiding us through these tumultuous times.”

“And as far as the Uprising are concerned, we say to them as He said to His own enemies: “SCREW YOU…”

Lionel summons his flock to speak.


Zion’s Child breathes in their words.

“Together, ladies and gentlemen, we will stand tall and defeat the Uprising, emerging victorious in the name of the Almighty…”


”Thank you!”