In Promo by The Generation Kid

Mario Piccoli owned the best pizza place in town. His menu had one special item on it that no other pizza menu in our little town ever had; the XXXL Pizza. This pizza was massive. It had cheese, it had sausage, bacon and beef. It was a beauty.

And if you popped down to Mario’s for a slice, he’d always try and tempt you for the XXXL. He had this prize, see. If you could eat the entire thing on your own, you’d not only get the pizza for free but you’d go on his wall of fame.

I wanted that prize.

I needed it.

So, one day, I went down to Piccoli’s and accepted the challenge. The entire crowd gathered around me and watched as I attempted to woof down this XXXL Pizza on my own.

The first few slices were a breeze. But then I felt my stomach starting to churn. After a little while I started feeling off and before you know it, I was sleeping chunks of pizza all over the place. I can still hear the screams and laughter of those who came to see me fail.

I feel like I’m there all over again. I feel like I’m sat at that pizza place with a napkin and a dream, thinking about the biggest prize on offer and how badly I want it. Monday night is the XXXL Pizza of a lifetime and the prize for winning is the wall of fame of Old School Wrestling. I’m not alone though, a champion eater has come along for the challenge. She knows how to scoff a slice of pizza and her friend is there to cheer her on.

So, how do I win?

That pizza is huge and I’ve proven that I don’t have the stomach for it.

On Monday, I come to the pizzeria that is Old School Wrestling with the best plan I could possibly come up with. I’m going to take that XXXL pizza and take small bites, nibbles, until there’s not a crumb left on my plate. I’m going to devour that thing slowly, but surely. I’m going to take my time with it. Whilst you scoff your face, you’ll find me taking it slowly, being composed and making the most of every single bite. This Tag Team Championship Match is one huge pizza and the prize is those Tag Team Championships. I didn’t have the stomach for it before and I failed; you know that and I know that. But on Monday, things are gonna be different. I know what to expect now and that Pizza, it has no idea what’s coming for it.