In Promo by Zero

A crow walked lost through the desert.

He was hopeless.

On his last legs, even.

He desperately needed somethin’ to drink and couldn’t find not a fuckin’ drop of water.

The longer he walked, the harder it became. He struggled to put even one foot in front of the other. Heat stroke set in. Dehydration set in. Before long, the blazin’ sun was destroyin’ this poor mother fucker. He couldn’t stand the fuckin’ heat and there was nothin’ he could do.

Until suddenly, he saw somethin’ in the distance.


Not a lot of water.

He rushed over and scrambled for it, only to find a bottle with the water at the bottom. The crow slammed his beak in there repeatedly, but he couldn’t reach the fuckin’ water.

If he poured it out, the sun would surely dry it up in seconds.

So carefully, he found pebbles laying around and one by one, placed them inside the fuckin’ bottle until the bottle was full and the water was finally within reach.

The crow quenched his thirst enough to stave off dehydration and flew off into the sunset.

You know somethin’, fire-bitch?

I felt like that fuckin’ crow throughout our entire relationship. You were the burnin’ hot sun, blazin’ through every thing and every one. I could always feel that heat against my skin – every time we touched, every time we fucked, every time we ever got close.

Being with you was like standing in the middle of a fuckin’ inferno and for the longest time, I sweat my balls off in that brutal heat.

Finally, I can see that bottle of water in the distance.

The heat is hot as hell.

It ain’t getting colder..

But I can see a way to quench my thirst and at Heatwave, I’m showin’ up to place as many of those pebbles into that bottle as I can so that I can sup on the water that I’ve been long overdue.

And there’s a lot of pebbles in my way.





And you, my dear.

And what I’m gonna do is scoop you mother fuckers up one by one and fill that bottle until I can finally sup on the water within. I’m gonna take that water and stop my dehydration – so that I can spread my wings and fly the fuck out of this shithole.

I’ve been standing under the bright fuckin’ inferno that is Pyre for far too long. I’ve been in the heat, I’ve suffered it, and I’ve had e fuckin’ nough of it.

Get ready, fire bitch, I’m about to fly my ass out of dodge.

That water bottle is about ready for my beak.

And I’m gonna fuck around and find out.