[The door opens, and some strange looking woman greets us. She’s wearing a lace see through gown and invites us upstairs into her apartment. Felix, that goofy moron follows like a bounding puppy. I’m understandably apprehensive.]
[She sits us down and sits opposite.]
[Debbie] “Well, this is a surprise… I didn’t expect a metal man when I opened the door. Usually, I’m the one bringing the toys.”
[Felix Foley] “We’ve come to be the best tag team we can be!” [Foley cries out enthusiastically. She giggles. It wasn’t funny.] “Can you help us?”
[Debbie] “Oh, you’ve come to the right place, boys. No-one in Arcadia takes a tag teaming like Debbie.”
[I didn’t like that verbiage.]
[Debbie] “Before we start, have you both been tested? It’s very important that you’ve both been tested.”
[I nod.]
[DOOM] “We’ve been extensively tested, Deborah. Our last Tag Team adventure didn’t last long. It was over very quickly and we’ve been wanting to put that right for quite some time.”
[Debbie] “OH! You came quickly?”
[Foley chimes in.]
[Felix Foley] “Quickly?! We came and left real quickly, ma’am. It didn’t last long at all. We were both hoping for a long and powerful reign but everything came to a sudden crashing halt.”
[She’s humored by that.]
[Debbie] “Well, it doesn’t matter how quick or slow you are, as long as you’re there. It’s the fun you have whilst doing, right? You fellas had fun, didn’t you?”
[No.]
[DOOM] “No, it wasn’t fun. We have four men to beat in a matter of days and we want to beat them quickly. We want them in the palms of our hands, do you understand? We want to take them down hard and fast.”
[She takes a deep breath.]
[Debbie] “I mean, that’s not something I usually do. I can show you how to take on two at a time with relative ease, sweetie.”
[Felix Foley] “Oh PUH-LEASE!” [Foley screeches like a girl.] “We really need help beating these guys!”
[Debbie] “Hmm. I suppose I could make an exception and show you how to take a man in the palm of your hands and beat him hard and fast.”
[Debbie stands up and takes off her gown, revealing her naked Torso beneath. Foley goes immediately white.]
[Debbie] “Okay. Felix, is it? Take off your pants. Let your friend take notes. We’ll do everything. The whole list. I hope you’ve got credits because you’re going to need them, gentlemen. We’re doing handies, blowies, dp, atm… we’re doing it all!”
[Foley looks at me with terror in his eyes.]
[DOOM] “I’m sorry, what?” [I ask.] “Why on Arcadia are you naked? What the hell is a ‘dp’ or an ‘atm’?”
[She seems confused.]
[Debbie] “Hey, you boys wanted to learn how to beat men. I’m just saying that if I’m helping you do that, I’m getting mine.”
[Felix looks over to see a metal covered dildo on the table and nudges me.]
[Oh…]
[Sometime later.]
[We both exit onto the streets of agora, a different shade of skin tone.]
[DOOM] “We’re never ever discussing what happened inside there, Felix.”
[He shakes his head.]
[DOOM] “If we aren’t the Tag Team Champions after that…”
[Felix Foley] “Well, we know how to beat men….”
[We look at one another.]
[DOOM] “Never… again.”