Third Wheel

In Promo by Sir Renault

Man was created by Yahweh in his image.

Yahweh then created woman to fulfill man’s needs.

Together man and woman were designed to work side by side to achieve greater heights than they could individually by committing to one another through the covenant of marriage.

But the truth is that close relationships such as marriage take not two, but three parties, the third of which is not another man or a woman, but Yahweh.

For the key to a successful marriage lies in the couple’s faith in Yahweh.

Love is a triangle.

Yahweh at the top, man and woman at the bottom.

The closer they move towards Yahweh, the closer they move towards each other.

You simply cannot replace Yahweh with another being and expect the same outcome, yet this is the big mistake that sinners often make that ultimately cause relationships to fall apart.

It is a sin for a relationship to include a third wheel.

You were supposed to be three best friends with an unbreakable bond forged by their pursuit to fuck the world together.

Ever since Simon brought you three in to Old School Wrestling to fulfill his needs, you have worked together with aspirations of reaching new heights.

You bested us at Triosmania. Still you lost in the finals.

On multiple occasions Tag and Ether have afforded themselves shots at the tag team championships. Each time failing.

Wiz even managed to capture greatness when he defeated TGK for the Rewind championship, however brief his title reign was.

Something seems to be holding the three of you back from true greatness, however.

It’s clear as day that Ether has been getting Tagged and bagged, both fulfilling each other’s needs in an affair of gluttonous lust.

But Tag didn’t leave enough room inside Ether for Yahweh, let alone Wiz.

Wiz caught onto the fact that his best friends were an item. Realizing he was the third wheel in the relationship, he seeked to fill that spiritual void and turned to Viper Roberts, the false prophet, for love and guidance as part of a new covenant.

But Wiz chose the wrong light to bask in.

What you three don’t understand is that while love is indeed a triangle, you will never fulfill your degenerate desires without Yahweh. There is only enough room for two of you in your love triangle, and one of you needs to go.

Jet Set Radio must fall apart.

Tonight is Vayikra’s time to do what you three could not, and scale great heights as we work together in our covenant with Yahweh to fulfill our needs. Sir Bellator, Sir Gable, and I will beat the holy hell out of you within our triangle inside the Slaughterhouse’s squared circle, bringing you closer to Yahweh with each Impertio, Hallepughjah, and Last Crusade we give to you.

Because at the end of the day the three of you are just misguided sinners, and it’s time for you to feel Yahweh’s love.

Bringing Tag and Ether towards the triangle’s climax to finally reach greatness together.

And guiding Wiz towards Yahweh’s light.

That, or topple you three off the wheel altogether.

Deus vult.