Your Kryptonite

In Promo by Ether

“Vampires are known for their uncontrollable hunger for blood that can never be satisfied.”

“I’m known for my insatiable appetite for any sort of food people set on my plate. We share many things in common, like our love for rare foods and our everlasting cravings for whatever meal’s set before us.”

“However, there’s a mighty big difference between us that can’t be ignored. That would be my love for a certain kind of food that vampires can’t handle.”

“I eat it with anything it mixes well with. I eat it with bread, sausage, soup, even fucking ice cream!”

“I’m talking about garlic.”

“I simply can’t get enough of the stuff. I consume foods, spices, and sauces that have it at least once a day. Vampires, meanwhile, can’t touch the stuff unless they want to die for whatever reason.”

“That’s one of the reasons I could never handle becoming a vampire. My hunger might rival the likes of one, but if I have to give up garlic from my diet, I’d find a way to try and kill myself.”

“And to prepare for my fight against a certain Shitlord, I loaded myself up with everything I could find that contained the stuff.”

“I don’t like how you’ve been eyeballing me these past couple of weeks, Kaine. You act as though I’d be a perfect companion for your hunts even though I’m not interested whatsoever.”

“I know I have a hunger that can’t be tamed, so do you. However, that doesn’t mean that I want to be turned into a blood sucking mosquito like yourself.”

“I’m not one of those motherfuckers that will simply allow myself to be bitten by the likes of you. I’ve come prepared. I’ve loaded myself with enough garlic to down an entire cave of vampires.”

“Take one bite of me and you’ll be choking on it like a human with a food allergy.”

“You won’t be able to touch me. Much like you hardly ever touched me the last time we fought. I repelled your attacks from me as I beat your ass in front of the New York crowd.”

“You were supposed to be the big scary monster that was destined to devour my ass and you couldn’t get the job done. Not like you ever could get anything done in the first place, even before you turned into this freak I see before me.”

“Thirst for me all you like, but with all this garlic running through my veins, it’ll be like watching Superman trying to eat his way through kryptonite. Not only will it hurt you, it’ll just be sad to watch.”

“You want to talk about hunger, Kaine? You can’t handle the kind of hunger I have. My kind of hunger completely surpasses whatever appetite you might possess bar none.”

“And with the help of this garlic, I hunger to get you out of my sight for good.”

“I’m a hungry girl, Kaine. And a hungry girl’s gonna eat some garlic roasted vampire bat!”