Anals of History

In Promo by Chip Montana

Hi there! I’m Chip Montana, and I’m grabbing nature…


But you know what, mate? Today… Something’s got me by the balls.

They call life in civilization a rat race. But to me? You’re always chasing the white rabbit. Whether that’s a new job, a promotion, a house, a family, everybody is trying to chase that rabbit down, grab its arse, throw it in a pot and cook it.

But it seems that no matter how close I come to puttin me mitts on the little bugger, the second its within arms reach, something gets in me way and lets the rabbit escape.

And for me? The thing that’s always getting in the way?

Is Time.


A thing that’s always being produced with every passing second.

Some people say that time is a construct. Others argue that its a part of the very fabric of reality itself.

For me? Time is nothing but a vampire, trying to suck all the blood right out of me willyhole.

The entire past month for me has been a case of deja vu.

Time seems to repeat itself. Every time I’m about to catch that rabbit, I once again find Time waiting for me, ironically, to waste my time.

And by the time its done? The rabbit is further away, and all the blood that was coursing through me raging boner is gone, and I’m left with me willy looking like a shriveled up worm.

A fucking mosquito, Time is. A dick mosquito.

Time gets in the way. It sucks me dry. And leaves me further away from my goals than ever.

But you know what, mate? I heard someone say something extremely interesting the other evening.

Did you know that Time, that History, has anals?

Its true, you know. The last time I crossed Time, I took a peak.

It has anals.

Two of them to be exact.

Two big, juicy anals, just sitting there, waiting…

Waiting for Chip Montana to fuck the living daylights out of them!

Well, there’s two things you need to know about Chip Montana, mate.

One: There’s never been an ass Chip Montana wouldn’t stick his willy in.

And two: I’ve never been one to keep you waiting.

So next time Time bears its fangs, or whips out its big, black book of history?

I’m gonna whip out something big of my own.


So I’d like to invite everyone to the first annual Chip Montana Train Bang on the Anals of History.

Because guess what, dipshit?

If Chip Montana can do it, you can do it too.

Don’t let time suck all the blood out of your willy. You look Time in its big brown eyes and say, “Not today, you little bugger! Today, I fuck the god damn shit out of your anals until me willy is covered in butt mud!”

Catch that rabbit, mate. Grab nature by the balls. And when Time gets in the way, make both of its little anals your ass bitches.