In Promo by Gunnar Kai

“Her name was Haley, and she was the hottest bitch in the hood.”

“Everybody wanted a chance to clap them cheeks, yet nobody was ever able to catch her eye.”

“They pulled out all the stops to try to impress her. Either with their stacks of dirty money or the luxurious shit that they bought with their drug money.”

“Everybody wanted the attention of this bitch.”

“The night was right. The whole block was gathered in this small ass, janky, hole in the wall bar for a performance from one of the local rappers trying to make it big. He had the whole hood on his back. Even Big Momma was out that night to show her support for the kid.”

“The moment Haley walked in, every head snapped in her direction. She had all eyes on her. The bitch was actually quite stunning when she wanted to be. She walked in that night wearing a tight black dress that showed off every one of her curves.”

“Like a dog in heat, many men quickly gathered around her, some of them offering to buy her a drink while others spit the cheesiest one liners their brain could think of.”

“But she scoffed. She pushed right by every one of those fucking losers and found her own seat at the bar.”

“A room full of swinging dicks, and she was interested in none of them.”

“Then I walked in.”

“While she turned every head in the room, I turned only one.”


“It’s crazy as fuck to think that some white boy from the hood could do something that nobody else could, isn’t it?”

“Yet that night, I was knocking them boots.”

“I walked into that bar that night with my drip immaculate and my game air tight. I swaggered over to that bar after catching that bitch’s eye and the rest was history.”

“And that’s exactly what I’ll do at Pandemonium.”

“The Lambs to the Slaughter match is exactly like that bar. It’s packed full of hopefuls that look to show off their flashy talents. They look to throw around their money. They intend to exploit their brotherhoods with one another all in an attempt to capture the eye of Ring of Dreams.”

“And, much like Haley, this bitch has eyes for only one man. And when Gunnar Kai walks down that ramp way, her panties instantly become wet.”

“Because I am THE Trending Topic. I am Mister World Wide Web, and after Pandemonium.. the whole world will be talking about me.”

“I walk into this bar with all the confidence in the world.”

“And I have every intention to walk out with your bitch on my arm.”

“Well on my way to clapping them cheeks at Ring of Dreams.”

“You can have all the money and material things in the world, that’s not what makes you attractive.”

“It takes that big dick energy to run shit around here.”

“This is MY slaughter that you lambs have been led to, and I’ve got to get your asses to market!”