In Promo by Chip Montana

Oi! I’m Chip Montana! And I’m grabbing nature…


And speaking of big, giant balls — I’m here in the colorful jungles of Africa, and you best believe, it takes big giant balls to capture the primate I’m in search of today.

I’m here, looking to catch me a wild bonobo!

The Bonobo is one of the more… Sexually colorful animals in the world. Do me a favor mate, open up pornhub right now. What are the categories? Incest and gay stuff?

Hell yeah mate, mine too. And the bonobos will fuck absolutely anything.

Look at this sexually colorful primate. He’s slipped his willy in his mom, in his sister, his brother, his cousin, his best mate, and everything in between! This guy just can’t stop fucking!

Some have said this guy is the party boy of the jungle.

Some have said he’s a real pornstar boy. It appears to be his entire mission, to fuck the living daylights out of anything that moves until he’s covered in sea men.

And trust me, you don’t want a mouthful or a bungful of this little bugger’s Israel Grimwolf.

He’ll probably give you around 88 blooming STD’s!

If you get near this little bugger, and you don’t want to get the shit fucked out of ya, and receive 7 or 8 different kinds of AIDS? Which is a shitload of AIDS?

You best duct tape your mouth, and sew your bunghole shut!

But me?


I’m trying to catch me a bonobo.

And the only way to catch a bonobo, is to get butt arse naked, open mouthed, and open bungholed!

So guess what?7

That’s what Chip Montana is doing!

Not only am I doing that mate. I’m spreading me buttcheeks wide apart and making bonobo mating calls.

Why? So its lured into a state of familiarity. I allow it to approach. Sniff the air. Sniff me balls. Smells the sweat. Gets turned on. Starts making noises. Starts playing with me nips. Grabs me willy. Grabs his willy.


And only then…

I fuck the bonobo’s brains out!

Because how do you dominate something that fucks everything? Something so depraved it will open the karma sutra, turn to page 70, and fuck a complete stranger?

You turn to page 71, and you bang it until it can’t take no more and screams, “I quit!”

And best believe mate, when I get you in this anaconda vice? The only way to make it let go is cry uncle!

Watch as the little bugger is confused! He thought he was the big dick swinger at the party! He did not believe in his heart of hearts that anything could pin it down, and make the little bugger take it!

…Oh no. There’s been a development.

He likes it, mate. He’s fucking smiling right at me face!


Well, you know what they say. Better to lose with a smile, than win with a frown.

And believe me mate, I’m fucking frowning.