I remember rolling, and falling. I remember the light disappearing. I remember the feeling of movement.
Then nothing much.
Nothing but darkness and silence.
Nothing but my own thoughts and four walls.
The box made me think things I’d never thought before. It made me withdraw inside myself and it brought out the best and the worst in me.
Those four walls held me, but breaking free of them made me.
Escaping those four walls and tasting the fresh air again made me appreciate what I’d got.
I’ve been stuck in a funk for a while now, stuck on this idea of eternity and immortality, and all I could think was how I’d have to live with all the bad in the world forever.
But what about the good? With nothing but time on my side, think of all the good I could do, not just for now, but for every generation. In 20 years your kids could be impacted by something I’ve done. No biggie – how about in 200 years? 2000?
The truth is if I truly cannot die then I have to do something with that gift.
That was the first step. Seeing it as a gift, not a curse.
Jackson Cade has spent his whole life in that box. Trapped on every side by the oppression the walls brought him.
The four walls, for him, were duty, honour, the badge, and the rules. And he lived in the middle of all of them, scared of what crossing even one of them might do.
It brought out the best in him – he was a great cop, and caught many bad people. There are definitely people still alive today because of the scum he put in Death Row. But it also brought out the bad in him. The box blinded him, and he did not fulfill his potential. The rules that had been put in place were only put in place to serve the elite. The duty and honour were tricks used by those same elite to foster a false sense of brotherhood. The badge was just a facade. His insistence on staying within these constructs meant that he was only a good cop for what they wanted him to police.
But I saw him break out of the box. He took a stand against Redgrave. He blew the lid off the joint, and left those four walls behind. And now he’s limitless.
Or is he?
It feels like he escaped the box but didn’t take in that fresh air I mentioned. Why? Because all he has done since is plead to be put back in the box – some weird Stockholm Syndrome shit. But believe me one day soon that first gulp of air will come, and the realisation will hit him. Why the fuck would he ever want to go back into the box? And what the fuck did the police ever do for him?
Until that day? He’s only broken out of the first layer of the box. Breaking out of it in your mind is a lot harder.
See the gift, not the curse, Cade.