Grave Concerns

In Promo, Sebastian Boswick by Sebastian Boswick

The following announcement is a message from the Arcadian Censorship Authority




Good people of Arcadia, we at the ACA have received numerous reports about the populace, and its collective fear of Death.

We at the ACA want to make our stance on Death abundantly clear. Death, for all men, is unavoidable. This, it cannot be censored.

But there is good news.

For some men, those who live a censored, and good life, Death should never be feared.

For he (or possibly even she) who lives a proud, moral life, free from degeneracy and immorality, the Ferryman is not a concern. In fact, we may even welcome his face.

So you see, if you are living right, you can look that Ferryman in the eye with no fear, and say, “take me where you must, for my deeds were good, and my family is proud.”

…But you know what does terrify us?

The notion that every, single degenerate loser in Arcadia, passing away, only for their decadent, unimpressive lives to be immortalized by a tombstone.

Oh, but Mark Carville was a Loving Father and Husband, the tombstone decrees.

Is THAT why his only son is a drug addict living in the Bleak?

Is THAT why his wife cheated on him with disgusting perverts?

No. No, I think not

Men like Mr. Carville having a tombstone to commemorate his degenerate life, why, I utterly tremble in my handcrafted boots.

Moving forward, we at the ACA call for all Tombstones to be, henceforth, CENSORED. 🚫

After all, 95% of tombstones belong to corrupted, wasted lives that accomplished nothing.

For those of you who are sentimental, who desire to remember those you loved who were weak, degenerate losers, we recommend burning their bodies, and depositing their ashes in a modest receptacle, keeping the receptacle in your house, out of the public eye.

Now, you good people of Arcadia might be asking yourself, what about those who deserve a tombstone?

And to thee I answer, those who truly deserve tombstones, are already immortalized in the form of statues.

Does Mr. Carville have a statue? No.

Does the Ferryman have a statue? Get. Real.

Does Sebastian Boswick have a statue?

Of course he does, right outside the lobby of the ACA Facility.


Because I have lived a life worth living, and my deeds speak for themselves.

I. Deserve. A statue.

You, more than likely, do not.

So, we welcome Death here at the ACA, and we take sympathy with her Ferryman.

He is, after all, her slave. And though no slave has ever lived a life worth immortalizing, he has went about his work diligently, and tirelessly. And when I meet Death’s little slave, and I take a ride on his little ferry, I will do so with a smile.

Knowing I have lived a lifestyle in accordance with the ACA’s moral guidelines.

And I? I am no slave.

But it’s rather nice of Death, when the time comes, to send her slave to me, to make my departure that much easier.

She is a polite woman.


The preceding announcement was a message from the Arcadian Censorship Authority.