“Every school had those kids with an absolute hard on for their teacher, right?”
“And the teacher knew it too! She’d see these kids who stayed behind after class to talk to her, chatting away like they had a chance, and she saw people willing to work for her.”
“Show a little leg, giggle at their shows of affection while they brown nose her and at the end of the day you have some happy little losers who’ll do whatever she wants.”
“Is she having you move textbooks from room to room so she doesn’t have to, handing them out to kids and preaching the good gospel of… World History?”
“Or maybe she’ll be kind and let you be the one to leave class early so you can send a message to the front office for her.”
“Truth is, those nerds though they had a chance with her, they thought she liked them.”
“But she was just using them for her own needs.”
“Maybe she liked them a bit, but it was because they worshipped the ground she walked on, man.”
“They loved her, and she loved what they did for her.”
“But after they graduated? Well, she didn’t call them up.”
“Nah, she just found a new set of nerds to do her dirty work.”
“Now, Vayikra, I almost wanna find it cute just how into God you guys are. Like, if OSW was a school and God was the teacher you’d be shoving kids in the halls and rushing to her class to be there first before the bell even thought to ring.”
“And sure enough, God would see you guys talking her up, dropping hints about all the zealoting you do, and she’d see a couple of suckers willing to do whatever she wanted.”
“Round up the bibles and toss them out like textbooks to nearby classes to preach the good word of your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ while Ms. Yaweh is hanging back at her desk drinking spiked coffee and smiling at how smart she is.”
“Go to the front office of the Slaughterhouse and give messages to whoever will listen about what Yaweh wants so that she’ll think you’re a good little lamb.”
“All of this in hopes that when you graduate, when you die, you’ll be in her good graces in heaven.”
“But in reality? She’ll be looking for new brown nosed zealots here on earth to do her errands while you’re chilling in pussyless purgatory.”
“Now, I used to think me and my crew were above all that, but it turns out Wiz is out here brown nosing some nasty Snake Pussy while me and Ether are the only ones doing our own thing.”
“But that ain’t gonna stop me and her from doing what we did to nerds like you back in high school.”
“Teacher’s pet? Meet locker.”
“Brown noses? Meet the toilet for a super swirly.”
“And once we’re all bullied out? Ether and I will go and do our own thing, no teacher or god to tie us down.”
“Now put your head between my legs and kiss your win goodbye.”