On the Hunt

In Mr. Kleen, Promo by Mr. Kleen

[A very agitated Mr. Kleen is seen leaving the Mortuary through the front gates with his trademark Mop of Justice. As he makes his exit, he looks himself over to see just how filthy he is after his battle with Tombstone.]

“Aw geez, Moppy, I’m covered in dirt and bugs! I’ll be doing laundry for days to get all the filth off of my clothes!”

[The janitor remains silent for a minute as he brushes some of the dirt off of him.]


[He suddenly chuckles, presumably caused by whatever the mop ‘said’.]

“Yeah, a hot shower would be nice too. Especially after running around in all that gunk in the woods.”

[He takes a moment to sigh before turning back to his trusted tool.]

“You know something, Moppy? I’m glad people don’t really live in a grody place like this anymore. I’m glad the people of Arcadia have the common sense to live in the cleaner levels and abandon those disgusting huts they used to call homes.”


[Kleen looks at his mop in disbelief.]

“You’re kidding me! There’s people out there that choose to willingly live in these places? Like who?”


“Luther Grim? You mean that hunter guy that bathes in mud and animal droppings? Well no wonder he hasn’t moved out of the woods yet, his profession involves getting as filthy as possible!”

[The custodial manager shudders.]

“I hate thinking about how anyone would dirty themselves by hunting all those unwashed animals and people. The thought of all the blood and germs he’d get from eviscerating his prey makes me sick. To think that anyone would perform such a depraved act for fun just…”

[The cleanest man in Arcadia gags, but manages to keep himself from throwing up in his mask.]

“Sorry. Nearly lost my lunch for a second there.”

[He takes a deep breath before continuing.]

“I can’t imagine myself living like a wild man out here or in the Groves. It just feels so wrong to crawl around in mud and poop to look for a trophy, my next meal, or just some tools. What exactly would the people of Arcadia think if I came back bathed in viscera with a human corpse in my hands?”

[Mr. Kleen starts to nod.]

“Exactly Moppy, they’d see a disgusting freak that must be censored! Nobody, let alone the custodial manager of the ACA, should be seen looking like that!”

[There’s a brief pause as the janitor waits for his ACA cohorts to catch up.]

“You’re a gross excuse of a human being, Grime. Not only are you covered in muck, you partake in hunting, which soils your hands in blood that will never wash off.”

[You can’t see it, but Mr. Kleen is smiling underneath his mask.]

“When we meet in the ring on Monday, I’m going to hunt you down and rub you out like the bacteria ridden stain you are. The difference between you and me is, no matter what happens, my hands remain clean.”

[The rest of the ACA catch up to Kleen as we cut to black.]