Parking Space

In Promo by Zero

“There ain’t a lot of parking outside my apartment.”

“You gotta get in whilst the gettin’ is good.”

“I’ve figured out that if I get home by a certain time, I can park my car in the fuckin’ sweet spot. It’s this little parking space outside a house down the street.”

“So, one day I come out to find a note on my car.”

“It says the space belongs to the house owner and asks me not to park there.”

“I screwed that shit up and tossed it on the lawn of the house.”

“The next day, I come out and found another note – this one ain’t as nice. This one says that if I park there again, the home owner is gonna beat my fuckin’ ass.”

“Sounds like a date with destiny, so I throw that note on the cunts lawn too.”

“The next day, I’m expectin’ a fight, right? I’m expectin’ someone to come beat my ass but once again, there’s a fuckin’ note.”

“This one just says ‘YOU’RE DEAD’.”

“And on the lawn it went.”

“Finally, I come out to my car and find some cunt has put in the windows, smashed the lights and threw paint all over it. It’s fuckin’ wrecked.”

“But I ain’t dead, am I?”

“You see Deathnote, we’ve been here before, haven’t we? I parked outside your house and you warned me against it.”

“So I beat you and did it again.”

“Now you’re gearing up to leave me another note and warn me once again, but we both know I’m showing up to Fuck the World will whole car full of fuck you and your world.”

“And I’m gonna park my ass in that fuckin’ ring, whether you want me to or not.”

“You’re gonna claim I’m a dead man.”

“You’re gonna say you know when my time is up and I’m supposed to be scared of it.”

“I’m supposed to cower in fear.”

“But your little notes, mother fucker, your little death notes don’t scare me, dipshit. Just like parking outside that house, I’m gonna do whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want and there ain’t a damn thing you can do to stop me.”

“On Monday, you can throw paint over me, you can smash my face in – you can scratch the living shit outta me if that’s what you got, but I’m still gonna do exactly what you don’t want me to.”

“I’m gonna step right inside that ring.”

“See, that mother fucker who did that to my car forgot one thing – I knew where to find him.”

“Just like I know where to find you.”

“I ain’t afraid of death.”

“I ain’t afraid of notes.”

“And I’ll park wherever the fuck I want.”

“That means I’m gonna park my boot in your ass, Deathnote; be fortunate it ain’t my dick, mother fucker.”