Proper-tea, Part II

In Felix Foley, Promo by Felix Foley

[Felix Foley moves into position, taking over in front of the counter and in front of DOOM, who awaits his perfect cup of tea.]

[Felix Foley] Welcome to tea with Felix Foley. Hey! That rhymes!

[DOOM looks at him with glaring eyes.]

[Felix Foley] Annnnywho. Where was I? Right. Tea. The perfect cup of tea requires the right methodology. You see, you can’t just toss all the ingredients into a cup and expect them to work. That’s not how you make good tea. Had you stuck around long enough to not ruin my tea party, Lionel, you’d know that.

[Foley grabs the cup and places it down on the side with a bit of aggression.]

[Felix Foley] Let me show you how you’ve made that cup of tea all wrong. What you did was, you put the tea bag in first. You filled Colt up with all those lies and information. You gave him everything he needed to believe in Zion.

[Felix tosses in a heap of sugar.]

[Felix Foley] And then you sweetened the deal by making him believe he was chosen by Zion.

[He grabs a pint of milk and pours it on top of the tea bag.]

[Felix Foley] Then you poured in milk. DOOM, you didn’t mention milk?

[DOOM] I prefer mine black. Darker the better.

[Felix Foley] Of course. Silly me. The milk weakens the tea. It kinda waters it down a bit. But that’s not really the important thing, the important thing is that you’ve put the milk in before you’ve put in the hot water.

[Foley picks up the now boiled kettle and pours it into the cup.]

[Felix Foley] Now you’ve got a cup of tea made all wrong. You see, because you didn’t pour in the hot water first, you didn’t know how much milk you needed to make it taste better. The milk is cold, Lionel – it doesn’t just change the taste, it effects the heat.

[Felix Foley] By pouring the milk in too early and too much, you’ve turned Colt into a luke warm mess. He isn’t hot and he isn’t cold. He’s not effective. He can’t quench your thirst.

[Felix tosses the drink down the sink and starts again.]

[Felix Foley] Let me show you how it should be done.

[He puts the teabag in first.]

[Felix Foley] You put your ideology in the cup.

[Then he puts in the hot water.]

[Felix Foley] Then you fill it up with all that warmth and go.

[Then he pours in the milk.]

[Felix Foley] You don’t want it too hot or it won’t be able to do what you need it to do.

[Then he stirs in the sugar.]

[Felix Foley] And finally, you sweeten the pot with your lies and nonsense.

[Foley hands the cup of tea to Doom who pulls out a straw, puts it in his mask and takes a sip.]

[Felix Foley] You see Lionel, there’s a reason why you won’t beat us for the Tag Team Championships at Bad Company. You’ve gone about your cup of tea all wrong. You’re coming to fight with a lukewarm badly made brew and if there’s anything anyone knows about tea, it’s that a bad cup ruins your day.

[Foley smiles at DOOM.]

[Felix Foley] Did you like it?

[DOOM] I still prefer it black.