The Ballad of Sisyphus

In Promo, Tombstone by Tombstone

I was chained to the Mortuary.

Tethered to it.

For the longest time, it held me captive. I was a slave to its whim and desires. I was sedated, torn away from reality and thrust into a belief that this was all I deserved. I for a long time did not try and attempt to break these chains. They were wrapped tightly around my soul, a force I dare not reckon with.

The Mortuary became my Tartarus.

As time grew, I became weary. I asked Igor how these chains worked. I begged of his indulgence until the time came for me to break them.

And break them I did.

I thrust myself into Old School Wrestling, seizing my opportunity to climb the ranks and make it to the pinnacle. An achievement, a crowning glory, and a world of Arcadia at my feet.

I became the OSW World Heavyweight Champion.

But Igor isn’t happy. 

He feels as if I have tricked him. He feels as if I had the hubris enough to believe myself more intelligent than he.

He considers my actions a crime against the oath I took to become the Ferryman. He believes that I have betrayed that oath and now, he has chosen to punish me for it.

I now find myself in an Underworld of my own making and my punishment is to roll a huge boulder endlessly up a steep hill.

A bolder made of challengers.


And when I reach the top, the pinnacle, the boulder will roll back down the hill and I’ll be forced to start over.

Many would find this unending punishment a torturous and arduous one.

But not I.

At Anarchy Rulez, I face my heaviest and most powerful boulder yet. It sits at the bottom of the hill, an amalgamation of deceit, power and punishment. This boulder, comprised of three challengers, beckons me forward. It demands that I attempt to roll it up that hill and swears blind I will not be able to do it.

It believes that it’ll crush me if I try. Igor believes it too.

But my punishment is not to be ran over by the boulder. It is not to suffer under the crushing weight of it as I fail to roll it up that steep hill.

My punishment is to make it to the top successfully, and be forced to start over.

Doom, Felix Foley and Doctor Death – you are the latest in a long line of boulders but you are not the first. I have rolled Drewitt up this hill successfully, only to start from the bottom once again.

That is why I stand before you now.

And when I’ve finished rolling you up the hill at Anarchy Rulez, I will once again find myself at the bottom with a new challenger, a new contender, and the cycle will start once again.

These boulders are never the end for me.

They’re always just the beginning.

But it will be the end for you.

And you should never fear the end, boulders.

Because the end is where I finish what I started and send you on your way.