Turf War

In Promo by Ether

“There was once a gang that ruled over the Sodapop Frequency before it became our hangout.”

“This group was deluded into thinking they were the baddest motherfuckers on the planet. They acted like they were hot shit and convinced others into believing it too.”

“They possessed fiery attitudes and threatening auras that scared off many potential challengers from encroaching on their land. Those that stuck around were expected to be given the beatdown of their lives.”

“Too bad that never fucking happened.”

“See, the gang were nothing but posers. They might’ve looked intimidating and had the words to back it up, but when it came time to prove their worth, they couldn’t even beat up a geriatric old woman.”

“Their mouths were their main form of offense. Once you got past those, they were essentially the biggest pushovers you’ve ever seen.”

“However, there were other gangs that happened to be even bigger wusses than those guys.”

“A couple of Jesus freaks tried to take their land and turn it into their personal monastery. They believed they could convert those fuckers of mothers and take their turf from right under their noses.”

“Not a bad strategy, but one that needed to be executed with just as much force as a crusade.”

“These guys weren’t capable of delivering that kind of punishment. They were just like everyone else. All bark, zero bite.”

“The next were some party boys, rainbow haired losers with more condoms than braincells. They thought they could brute force their way in like Tag’s dick in a fleshlight.”

“But they couldn’t even get it up once those big bad pushovers stared them down.”

“Eventually, we came along and demanded that they hand over the keys to their kingdom. They laughed in our faces and basically told us to get the hell out of their building.”

“But we wouldn’t. We weren’t just talking big game and acting like we had big balls. No, we fucking meant what we said and had the skills to back it up.”

“When they realized we weren’t fucking around, they panicked and tried to talk their way out of a beatdown.”

“We weren’t going to let them off that easy. We wanted to make sure those dumb motherfuckers wouldn’t try to weasel their way back in our rightful venue ever again.”

“So we pounded those sons of bitches to the ground until they were bloody and unconscious.”

“Now two more wannabe badasses are holding what’s rightfully ours while talking like they own the world.”

“Vayikra won’t have what it takes to deliver the punishment. They’re all bark and zero bite.”

“Rainbow Party? They can’t get it up when they get stared down.”

“It’ll be up to us to climb that ladder and claim what’s rightfully ours. Just like we did the Sodapop Frequency.”

“We’re going to cave in faces and beat those motherfuckers beyond recognition. Nobody will want to challenge us for those titles when we’re done with them.”

“Prepare to find out what happens when you encroach our turf.”