When I’m Cleaning Windows

In Mr. Kleen, Promo by Mr. Kleen

[We appear before Mr. Kleen wiping down the windows of the ACA offices with his patented Mop of Justice. He can be heard mumbling in a sing song like tone to himself as he performs his job.]

In my profession I’ll work hard, but I’ll never stop. I’ll ride this swinging scaffold ’til I get right to the top.

[The janitor chuckles to himself as he pulls the rope to said scaffolding to take himself to another window.]

“You know something Moppy? I quite like cleaning windows. Sure it’s a dangerous job, but being able to see my reflection through the glass is enough of a reward for me.”

“No, I’m not using window cleaning as an excuse to peek into my coworkers’ private lives! My soul is far too clean to be doing such filthy things like that.”

[He looks back at the window he has to clean just now.]

“I wouldn’t dare sully my good name by watching Peter and Kimmy bill and coo or Jasmine pulling down her…”

[Kleen quickly averts his gaze.]

“Never mind.”

[The custodial manager takes a deep breath before looking back at one of the windows, pointing to his baby blue eyes in the process.]

“You see these eyes? I heard they’re windows to the soul. In my case, you should be able to see that my soul is so clean, it shines right through the glass.”

“Exactly Moppy! Now you’re getting it! Someone like Vision has a soul so dirty, they got their eyes poked out.”

[If a mop had eyes, they’d be rolling right now. Kleen proceeds to dunk the mop back into the bucket to prepare to clean another window.]

“If he still had eyes, we’d be able to see just how disgusting and grody his soul truly is. It would have to be for someone that ended up in Deathrow, after all. Those kind of people are stains on Arcadia that need to be rubbed out, pronto.”

[He pulls the mop out of the bucket and proceeds to smear it across the glass as if it were a squeegee.]

“Worse yet, he went on to betray his cellmate and best friend and held his head under some molten liquids! Imagine if I did something like that to you. I wouldn’t be able to look at anyone in the eyes either after doing a thing like that!”

[Kleen stifles a laugh as he dips the mop into the bucket once more.]

“You’re right again, Moppy. Vision only joined the Third Eye out of shame for what he did. He thinks that having his eyes poked out somehow redeems himself after all the unsanitary things he’s done.”

[Another beat.]

“Well it doesn’t. His soul is just as dirty as the day he joined that cult and nearly killed his best friend. When Tucker, Sebastian, and I meet him in that ring, we’ll drag him all throughout Olympus and lock the door to prevent the others from helping him. No matter what happens, however, our hands and souls will remain clean.”