A funky hip hop beat plays in the ACA recording room as Tucker Goode walks onto the stage in a sideways hat with a microphone in hand and a cheesy smile on his face.
“I’m here to drop some dope raps and rhymes for all my abstinent homies out there! I know that with people like Vision, Python, and even Jinx you might find yourselves tempted to join some unsavory groups. But don’t worry, I’m here to show you that the ACA is the coolest group in Arcadia!”
He clears his throat, the beat dropping as he begins to bounce and jive to the groove, albeit off beat.
“Well I wrote this song for the abstinent youth, I wanna teach kids the abstinent truth! If you wanna reach those kids on the slums then you gotta do a rap to some hip-hop rhythms. I gave this PSA an urban kick, my rhymes are fly, my beats are sick! Our crew is big and it keeps getting bigger, that’s cause Mr. Boswick’s is my nigga.”
Tucker motions behind himself to a photo of Sebastian, nodding his head as he dances in place.
“He’s a life-changer, miracle-arranger! The folks in Third Eye? Stranger Danger! Don’t poke out your eyes with a red hot thing, come to us and get a purity ring! They’ll force their views on your mind and without us you would be blind! I know they’re scary and keep makin’ you tenser, but just stand aside and let us censor!”
Mr. Goode spins the mic in hand, nearly dropping it and recovering it at the last moment. Red faced, he turns back to the camera and plays it off with a grin.
“Now you might like the Kingdom and their rainbow color, but roll with them and live in squalor! That nasty Yellow Python lives in the streets, so stay with us and bump our beats! Going on home to that weird zoo keeper, the ACA will smash that creeper! We’re cleanin’ up the streets and our reach is gettin’ bigger, that’s because Mr. Kleen is my nigga.”
He points back at a picture of Mr. Kleen, wiping it off in an odd attempt at combining cleaning and dancing before spinning around, stumbling a bit, winded.
“And onto Jinx and her dirty computer, hangin’ with her won’t get you a suitor. She’s mean, nasty, acts like a child; the ACA is gonna be running wild! Our woman is stronger, you can’t mess with her, that’s because Ms. Studebaker’s my nigga!”
Tucker once again points to a picture behind him of Pauline, flexing for it before going back to dancing, the beat slowly fading out.
“Thanks for listening to my educational rhyme, make good choices, don’t do crime. Our words are right, our hearts are bigger-“
“And remember, Mr. Goode is your nigga.”
The beat comes to a stop, Tucker removing his hat and wiping sweat from his brow as he walks over to the camera to turn it off.