Forever The Bridesmaid

In Promo by Viper Roberts

I used to know this chick, right? Proper fucking sad case.

It wasn’t as if she was unpopular or anything. Problem was she just couldn’t find herself a decent fella for love nor money.

When it came to relationships, she was like the kiss of fucking death.

At first it wasn’t an issue. Nobody took any notice, or even realised there was anything the fuck going on.

But as the years progressed and everyone around her started settling down, people began to see the same old pattern emerging.

Gradually, that pitiful little birdie became more and more obsessed with landing herself a male companion.

There’d be no kind of game plan on her side; no class or etiquette so to speak.

Simply put, this girl would prey on men like a scavenger, swooping down and sinking her beak into anything that moved, with the sole intent of catching a kill to take back home to roost.

With each window of opportunity that presented itself, she failed utterly fucking miserably.

Whenever there was a hint of love in the air, or the chance to satisfy her starved belly, the moment would slip away; her claws continually losing grip on the prize at stake.

Over time, this act of incapability made her the butt of all jokes amongst her peers.

With every friend that founds themselves a partner in crime, she became more and more desperate for recognition.

To stand at the alter with a beautiful hunk, whose large arms strapped firmly around her waist.

But whenever she came close to striking gold, the possibility of capturing the moment would leave her sights as quickly as it arrived.

You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you, Corvus? After all, you are and forever will be remembered as the nearly-man of Old School Wrestling.

I remember the first time you showed up around here, son, gliding onto the scene and taking the life of one Tyler Brooks in the process.

In doing so, you fired a shot that was heard around the world, and as quickly as that, you were thrust into the wedding plans.

There, you brushed lapels with the biggest and baddest motherfuckers these four walls have ever known, receiving wide acclaim and a barrage of title shots to boot.

Opportunities came and went, though, didn’t the, and just like that bitch I used to know, you fell well short of success.

No matter how hard you flapped your wings, the big occasions continued to get the better of you, and you had to watch from an empty nest as Viper Roberts crashed the ceremony and sailed away with the OSW Title into the sunset.

You see, Crow, whilst I prepare to renew my vows with the biggest prize in our game next week at Rust Out, you’ll have to make do with circling the under-card, feeding on whatever scraps there are left to forage at ringside.

You’re done, little Corvey.


A bird, plucked of opportunity, who’ll always be left to rue the one that got away…

Forever the bridesmaid; never the bride.